Red: Steven! What the hell's the matter with you? Stealing my cable!
Hyde: Red, before you blow your stack, why don't you take a look at that car wash girl? She is so sudsy.
Red: You drilled a hole in my floor. My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!

Kitty: Very nice. Baby says, "It's tight, but not too tight, and I wuv the way you powdered my wittle bottom." [laughs]
Kelso: I never thought I'd say this, but you gotta take it easy on the nads.
Brooke: I know what I'm doing. It's just, it sounded so much easier in the books. Okay, there.
Kitty: Let's have a look. Uh-oh! Baby says, "That's too loose. Now I'm gonna wee-wee on Daddy."
Brooke: I just have to redo the safety pin. God, why can't I do this?
Kitty: Oh, no. Baby says, "Ouch, you poked me. Now I'm gonna cry." [imitates crying]
Brooke: That's it. I give up. [exits]
Kitty: "Oh, Mommy, don't leave me. I don't want to end up in state-run foster care." [imitates crying]
Kelso: You know, you seem normal around your family, but out in the world, you're a little nuts.

Brooke: Look, Michael, I don't want to talk about it. I thought I was ready, but today I found out I don't even know how to use a diaper. We are gonna be covered in poo.
Kelso: Look, I think you're underestimating us, all right? Especially me. Now, these beautiful hands aren't just made for foreplay. Check it out. I remember the first time I baby-sat for my little brother, and he power-dooked all over himself, right? So I got my mom's salad tongs and pulled off his pants, and then I grabbed him by the ankles and took him outside and hosed him off. And voila.
Brooke: Oh, Michael, it's so perfect.
Kelso: See, you got the brains and the maternal instincts, and I know how to wrap ass. We're gonna do this together, and we're gonna be fine.
Kitty: "Oh, Daddy, that's just how I like it."
Kelso: You're really starting to creep me out.