Jeff Quote #15

Quote from Jeff in Cheyenne's Wedding

Mateo: Jeff!
Jeff: [whispers] Shh. This baby's asleep.
Mateo: Have you been at the wedding this entire time?
Jeff: Yes. You saw me when I came in, and then I think we made eye contact when we were both in line for the bathroom a while ago.
Mateo: I don't think so. I... Anyway, um, it's good to see you.
Jeff: Not you. I hate you.
Mateo: What?
Jeff: Yeah! You dumped me out of nowhere, so of course I hate you. It just sounds funny because I'm whispering. Because I don't want to wake the baby up because... [Harmonica cries] And thank you. Now she's awake. You just can't stop hurting me. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna trade you. You take her. She doesn't like to bounced, okay? [whispers] I hate you. Not you. I love you.

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 ‘Cheyenne's Wedding’ Quotes

Quote from Cheyenne

Jonah: What am I supposed to wear to your wedding? The invitation just says, "Not basic."
Cheyenne: You know, not basic. I don't know how to explain it more than that.
Amy: Yeah, like, Adam's wearing a gray suit.
Cheyenne: Mm, I mean, that's, like, semi-basic, but you guys are old. No one's looking at you anyways.

Quote from Myrtle

Myrtle: What is he wearing? He looks like a woman.
Garrett: Bo? Bo is a woman.
Myrtle: Oh? Lesbians.
Garrett: Big-time.
Myrtle: The whole world's going gay.

 Jeff Quotes

Quote from Customer Satisfaction

Jeff: Okay, well, Zephra's looking at the scores and the comments, so it's important that you get positive feedback. Especially this store.
Dina: What's that supposed to mean?
Jeff: There's been some chatter that 1217 is a "problem child" store.
Glenn: What?
Jeff: I mean, you did damage the store's servers, there's the raccoon infestation, there's Carol's lawsuit, not to mention the multiple attempts at unionizing.
Dina: Well, yeah, of course it's gonna sound bad when you just rattle them off in a row like that. But if you interspersed them with good things we've done or just, you know, random trivia...

Quote from Safety Training

Mateo: And I wish I could take it. But the truth is, um, I'm not really hurt.
Jeff: David, he's lying.
Mateo: I'm lying? What about all the times you said you were over Chad and you just jumped right back into bed with him?
Jeff: After you dumped me! I'm sorry, David. That's not relevant.
David: [on the line] That's okay. I have a gay son, so my views are very progressive.
Mateo: Okay, what about the time you said Jonah looks great in shirts? Yeah, were you lying or telling the truth then?
Jeff: I said he looks okay in shirts, but you wouldn't know that because you never listen.
Mateo: Because you add unnecessary details!
Jeff: You spent an hour talking about lavender!
David: Uh, it sounds like you guys still have some stuff to figure out. Jeff, why don't you take care of this and get back to me later, okay? Thanks. [Jeff hangs up]
Jonah: Well... that got silly.