Jonah Quote #42
Quote from Jonah in Secret Shopper
Amy: This has got to be the lamest thing anyone has ever been cocky about.
Jonah: [sighs] I know. It's so embarrassing. I told them not to put that up there, but I guess they felt they had to honor me somehow.
Amy: You know you're just asking someone to draw a penis on your face, right?
Jonah: This must be really bittersweet for you, being surpassed by your protege. But now is no longer the time of Amy. No, now is the time of Ace.
Amy: Oh, Ace? Wow.
Jonah: Ace. They're calling me Ace now.
Amy: Strong words from a guy who led a flock of ducks into the store.
Jonah: My pocket was ripped. I didn't know I was trailing crackers.
Amy: Why are you even walking around with crackers in your pocket?
Jonah: Because they don't have the kind I like here.
Superstore Quotes
‘Secret Shopper’ Quotes
Quote from Dina
Dina: Condolence cards, huh? Bummer. Who died?
Man: Uh, a friend of mine.
Dina: Hmm. You don't look very upset. Probably not that good a friend. Can I see a death certificate?
Man: I-I don't think I need a death certificate just to buy a card.
Dina: Well, well, well. Look who knows a lot about Cloud 9 store policies. What was your friend's name?
Man: I don't understand...
Dina: How did he die? What did he love? What kind of music was he into? Billy Joel? Everybody's into Billy Joel. Was he a vegetarian or normal? The kind of guy you trust with a lot of money or...
Man: Enough, all right? I see what you're doing, and you're right. By the end, I didn't really know him anymore. May- Maybe I never really knew him. The point is, I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most. [walks off sobbing]
Dina: Hmm. [to a man buying a Bar Mitzvah card] Funny. You don't look Jewish.
Quote from Dina
Jonah: I wonder if they'll send one here.
Dina: A secret shopper? [scoffs] I'd know. I can always sniff out a fake. The only way a secret shopper's getting past me is if he doesn't even know he's a secret shopper. Like Harrison Ford in Blade Runner.
Garrett: I'm gonna say this one more time. Deckard was not a replicant.
Dina: Then explain the friggin' unicorn!
Garrett: Director's Cut doesn't count!
Dina: I can't listen to the Blade Runner debate one more time.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Mateo. What you doing in here?
Mateo: I'm investigating. What if there is no secret shopper? You ever think that corporate is spying on us with a secret employee?
Glenn: Well, no, but now that's all I can think about.
Mateo: You notice how Jonah never talks about what he was doing before this job?
Glenn: Well, sure, but I just figured he was a criminal. You'd be surprised how many of our employees have been.