Dina Quote #777
Dina: Condolence cards, huh? Bummer. Who died?
Man: Uh, a friend of mine.
Dina: Hmm. You don't look very upset. Probably not that good a friend. Can I see a death certificate?
Man: I-I don't think I need a death certificate just to buy a card.
Dina: Well, well, well. Look who knows a lot about Cloud 9 store policies. What was your friend's name?
Man: I don't understand...
Dina: How did he die? What did he love? What kind of music was he into? Billy Joel? Everybody's into Billy Joel. Was he a vegetarian or normal? The kind of guy you trust with a lot of money or...
Man: Enough, all right? I see what you're doing, and you're right. By the end, I didn't really know him anymore. May- Maybe I never really knew him. The point is, I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most. [walks off sobbing]
Dina: Hmm. [to a man buying a Bar Mitzvah card] Funny. You don't look Jewish.
Quote from Dina
Jonah: I wonder if they'll send one here.
Dina: A secret shopper? [scoffs] I'd know. I can always sniff out a fake. The only way a secret shopper's getting past me is if he doesn't even know he's a secret shopper. Like Harrison Ford in Blade Runner.
Garrett: I'm gonna say this one more time. Deckard was not a replicant.
Dina: Then explain the friggin' unicorn!
Garrett: Director's Cut doesn't count!
Dina: I can't listen to the Blade Runner debate one more time.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Mateo. What you doing in here?
Mateo: I'm investigating. What if there is no secret shopper? You ever think that corporate is spying on us with a secret employee?
Glenn: Well, no, but now that's all I can think about.
Mateo: You notice how Jonah never talks about what he was doing before this job?
Glenn: Well, sure, but I just figured he was a criminal. You'd be surprised how many of our employees have been.
Quote from Back to Work
Jonah: Look, all I'm saying is with a little effort it's not that hard to get people to like you.
Dina: I really don't care if people like me.
Jonah: Okay, but... don't you find it hard being a boss to people... that resent you? [employees snicker]
Dina: You do raise a good point.
Dina: I watch a lot of Dog Whisperer DVDs and it's always easier to train a bitch who enjoys your scent.
Jonah: That's exactly what I meant.
Quote from Playdate
Garrett: Okay, just keep it simple. Take him out to a nice dinner.
Dina: I don't even know what a nice dinner is. Is it a hot soup followed by a cold soup? Is it a place that gives you bread? Is it a place that wants you to bring your own bread?
Garrett: What are you talking about? You've had dinner before.
Dina: Not as a girlfriend!
Garrett: It's very similar!