Jonah: You have nothing to be nervous about. My parents think you're great and I'm sure Josh will too.
Glenn: Which brother is Josh again? I can't keep track of them all.
Jonah: I only have two.
Glenn: Really? It feels like you grew up talking over a large group.

Amy: Wait, isn't Josh the one who threw that big party in high school and then framed your housekeeper for it?
Mateo: Big mistake. Anger the head maid, the whole downstairs can turn on you.
Jonah: One floor, one housekeeper.
Dina: My advice: don't get lost in the siblings. It's the parents you want to impress if you're gonna inherit all those servants.
Jonah: Zero. Zero servants.
Amy: One would've been nice.

Cheyenne: A gecko?
Mateo: Yes. It was just sitting on her shoulder like a parrot... look.
Cheyenne: I swear, we get the weirdest customers at this store. I just helped a dad with three kids on leashes.
Garrett: Were they triplets? Or just three kids? 'Cause in the world of customer weirdness, I'd put reptiles up here and children in restraints down here. But if we're talking multiples, now I'm gonna need a photo.
Cheyenne: Oh, okay. Let me see if he's still untangling them in housewares.
Garrett: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Wow, you've thought about this a lot.
Garrett: Yeah, well, in customer service, you can get all kinds. Yesterday, a lady came in and complained about a sandwich that she made at home.
Mateo: Okay, hot nun, face tattoo, stilettos and sweats.
Garrett: Nun, tattoo, stilettos and sweats.
Mateo: I just love the way your mind words.

Glenn: So I told her, you know, "Don't worry. Jonah's parents are gonna love you. But if they're paying, don't fill up on bread."
Dina: Come on, this is Amy we're talking about. "Filled up on bread" is gonna go on her gravestone.

Dina: Glenn, this is Dr. Brian Patterson, veterinarian and boyfriend.
Brian: Yeah, no, I had a little window of time open up today. Horse died early.
Dina: Oh.
Brian: So yeah, thought I'd pop in and surprise you.
Glenn: Oh, I didn't know that veterinarians use tongs. Is that for handling dog guts?
Brian: Oh, no. Just salad.
Glenn: Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

Dina: What is this? He's showing up during work hours? Is this, like, a test or some kind of weird kink?
Glenn: Okay, Dina, relax. It's just a surprise date. Enjoy this. The beginning of a relationship is the best part.
Dina: Yeah, I know. I know that.
Glenn: Well, I thought you might not, you know, 'cause this is your first real...
Dina: I know romance, Glenn, okay? I've seen You've Got Mail. 40 minutes of it. I was getting my tires rotated. Point is romance equals spontaneity plus fun.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Dina: So how about this? Huh? How's this for fun? [pulls strand of hair down]
Glenn: Oh, I love it. You should let it all down.
Dina: Glenn, we're still at work, not an opium den.

Garrett: "Customer Safari." It's a $10 entrance fee, and as you can see, I got 35 categories on the board.
Cheyenne: Why is "blowing nose in towels" worth more than "juggalo"?
Garrett: 'Cause juggalos aren't as rare. ICP just played St. Louis.
Sandra: Yeah, it was fun. It's a real community.
Garrett: Only one winner per category. You see something, snap a pic, submit it to me for verification.
Mateo: Oh, and make sure the customer doesn't see you. For some reason, privacy's hot right now.
Garrett: Okay, so everybody's in. That means the winner's gonna get 200 bucks.
Cheyenne: Oh, hell yeah.

Justine: I am gonna be so good at this game. I'm constantly taking creep shots of dads in parks.

Justine: Aggressively patriotic T-shirt. Oh, yeah.
Garrett: "Love this land or I'll bury you in it"? Wow, 50 points.

Glenn: Guys, come on. I know what it's like when the manager's away. Yeah, you take a little longer break, eat a hot dog, turn all the screens in electronics to MTV.
Garrett: Yeah, well, I guess you got us. We're just a bunch of rebels.
Glenn: Aw, come on. So tell me what's going on. [Garrett shrugs] Oh, okay. Well... And Sandra, you'd better confess because I already asked Garrett, and he sold you down the river.
Sandra: When? We've been together the entire time.
Glenn: Hmm?
Garrett: Yeah, Glenn. If you wanna play us against each other, you have to separate us first.
Glenn: Sandra, could I see you outside or a minute?
Sandra: I don't think so, Glenn.
Glenn: Garrett, could I see...
Garrett: Come on, man.