Kramer: Hey. It happened again. Another robbery in the building.
Jerry: So you bought a cooler?
Kramer: It's a strongbox to protect my irreplaceables.
Elaine: And what would those be?
Kramer: Some taxidermy that's been in my family for generations. My Tony, my military discharge.
Jerry: You were in the Army?
Kramer: Briefly.

Kramer: Now, I gotta find a good place to hide this key. Because if somebody finds this, they hold the key to all my possessions.
Elaine: Literally.
Kramer: 'Literally'? What's that supposed to mean?

Kramer: You mind if I hide this somewhere?
Jerry: No, go ahead.
Kramer: [waits for Jerry to look away] A little privacy, huh?
Jerry: Oh, come on!
Kramer: Come on, Jerry, this is a security issue. Boy, you wouldn't last a day in the Army.
Jerry: How long did you last?
Kramer: Well, that's classified.

Jerry: She said no?
George: She said no.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: What could I do? We fooled around and went to a movie.
Jerry: George, both parties don't have to consent to a breakup. It's not like you're launching missiles from a submarine and you both have to turn your keys.

Jerry: Check these out. These are Jerry Lewis' old cufflinks that he actually wore in the movie Cinderfella. I got 'em at an auction.
George: I got some cufflinks I could've loaned you.
Jerry: No, Jerry Lewis is gonna be at this Friar's Club roast I'm going to next week. Now I have an in to strike up a conversation with him.
George: You already have an in. You have the same first name. Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, that'll intrigue him.
George: Well, it worked when I met George Peppard last week.
Jerry: George Peppard has been dead for years.
George: Well, whoever he was, he knew a lot about The A-Team.

Glenn: So you would choose your last meal based on the method of execution?
Elaine: Right, right. I mean, if I was getting the chair, I'd go for something hot and spicy. You know, Thai, maybe Mexican. Lethal injection feels like pasta. You know, painless, don't want anything too heavy.

Jerry: So, you would date a married guy? That's so hacky.
Elaine: Well, I don't know. I may never marry. It might be the closest I get.
[As Jerry opens his cutlery drawer for a spoon, he finds Kramer's key]
Kramer: You peeked!
Jerry: This is your hiding place?!
Kramer: It was under a spoon!

George: And so, for all these reasons, we are officially broken up. Thank you, and good night.
Maura: No, George, we're not.
George: But I proved it.
Maura: I refuse to give up on this relationship. It's like launching missiles from a submarine. Both of use have to turn our keys.
George: Well, then, I am gonna have to ask you to turn your key.
Maura: I'm sorry, George, I can't do that.
George: Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!

Elaine: Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine, what are you doing down there?
Elaine: You didn't hear me buzzing?
Jerry: Oh, I guess it's broken.
Elaine: Throw down your key.
Jerry: It's liable to bounce and go into a sewer.
Elaine: I'll catch it!
Jerry: You'll chicken out at the last second.
Elaine: Yeah, you're right.

George: [inner monologue] I think that ginger ale at the coffee shop is just Coke and Sprite mixed together. How can I prove it? Ah, can't. Dammit.