Mrs. Sokol: So where have you been looking for work?
George: Well, you know what I've discovered, Mrs. Sokol, it's not so much the looking as the listening. I listen for work. And as I'm looking and listening, I am also looking. You can't discount looking. It's sort of a combination. It's looking, and listening, listening and looking. But you must look.
Mrs. Sokol: Can you be specific about any of these companies?
George: Specific. Ah, let's see. I've walked in and out of so many buildings they all blend together. I, uh...
Mrs. Sokol: Well, just give me one name.
George: Absolutely, uh... Lets see... There's, uh, Vandelay Industries. I just saw them. I got very close there. Very close.
Mrs. Sokol: And what type of company is that?
George: Latex. Latex manufacturing, Mrs. Sokol.
Mrs. Sokol: And you interviewed there?
George: Yes, for a sales position. Latex salesman. The selling of latex, and latex-related products. They just wouldn't give me a chance. Damn it!

George: I don't know what you had to tell her that for. You put me in a very difficult position. Marine Biologist?! I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing.
Jerry: You know, with all due respect, I would think it's right up your alley.
George: Well, it's not up my alley! It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doing. I know my alleys! You got me in the Galapagos Islands living with the turtles, I don't know where the hell I am.
Jerry: Well, you came in the other day with all that whale stuff, the squeaking and the squealing.
George: Why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Apparently, Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said "Yeah, I got this new thing, 'platonic'. My idea, my name, calling it after myself. What I do is, I go out with the girls, I talk with them. Don't do anything. And go right home. What do you think? I think it's going to be big!'' I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didn't work. You know, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went: "Hi, my name's Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, it's a 'Riconic' relationship..."

Jerry: What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him.
Elaine: I don't think so.
Jerry: Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan, a craftsman, a laborer of some sort?
Elaine: Wall Street.
Jerry: Ah, high finance: bulls... bears... people from Connecticut.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of them, her total was eight dollars. The other, three dollars. They both of course choose to pay by the use of the... check. Now, the fact is, if it's a woman in front of you that's writing the check, you will not be waiting long. I have noticed that women are very fast with checks, you know, 'cause they write out so many checks. The keys, they can never find in their purse, they don't know where that is. But the check book, they got that. They never fumble for the check book. The check book comes out of a holster, "Who do I make it out to? There's my ID''. There's something about a check that, to a man, is not masculine. I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a check is like a note from your mother that says, "I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time. I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these. Is this of any value at all?"