Elaine: Listen, Jerry, this place is falling apart. You have no hot water, you can't have soft cheese...
George: Let's not forget the radiator, the steam has been on here for ten years; no human can turn this off.
Elaine: Jerry, come on, you're doing OK now. You should at least take a look at this place. You shouldn't have to live like this.
Jerry: Like this? You just said, you wanted to live here.
Elaine: Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Iceland to Finland.

Jerry: You left the door open?
Kramer: Oh, Jer, well you know, I was cookin' and I, I uh, I came in to get this spatula, and I left the door open, 'cause I was gonna bring the spatula right back!
Jerry: Wait, you left the lock open or the door open?
Kramer: The door.
Jerry: The door? You left the door open?
Kramer: Yeah, well, I was gonna bring the spatula right back.
Jerry: Yeah, and?
Kramer: Well, I got caught up watching a soap opera... The Bold and the Beautiful.
Jerry: So the door was wide open?
Kramer: Wide open!

Jerry: And where were you?
Elaine: I was at Bloomingdale's... waiting for the shower to heat up.

Kramer: Look, Jerry, I'm sorry. I'm, uh... You have insurance, right, buddy?
Jerry: No.
Kramer: How can you not have insurance?
Jerry: Because I spent my money on the Clapgo D-29. It's the most impenetrable lock on the market today. It has only one design flaw: the door... must be closed!

Jerry: How did you get in here?
George: I walked in, your lobby door is broken again.
Jerry: Again.
George: I don't know how you put up with this.
Elaine: Yeah, tell him, George.
Jerry: You would still wanna move in here?
Elaine: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent.

Elaine: Oh, well, come on. This is an apartment, this is a home! This is a place to live. [gasps] A fireplace, are you kidding me! Does this work?
George: I didn't know there was a fireplace. A fireplace, this is incredible.
Jerry: How do you get all that wood in here?
Elaine: They deliver it.
Jerry: They deliver wood?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What do you tip a "wood guy"?
George: I didn't know there was a fireplace?
Elaine: Look! Look at...look at this! There's a garden.
George: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden!
Jerry: Would I have to get a gardener?
Elaine: Yeah, you can get a gardener.
Jerry: You tip him?
Elaine: You can.
George: You don't tip a gardener!
Elaine: You can tip a gardener.
George: You don't need a gardener.
Elaine: Jerry, you can barbecue back here.
Jerry: They deliver the coal?
Elaine: Sure, it's probably the same guy, who delivers the wood.
Jerry: Oh, than I gotta tip him.

Elaine: What about the couch?
Jerry: You like the couch? I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: You're moving in, you're a good friend, I wanna start you off on the right foot. Give me... 150 dollars. In fact, get it out of here right now, take it out the door, I don't even wanna see it, go, get it out.

Elaine: I can't believe I lost the deposit on that U-Haul. And I threw out my couch.
Jerry: If only the coin hadn't hit the table.
George: The table is interference, you know it!
Jerry: It is not!
George: It is too!
Elaine: My roommate starts rehearsal tonight on Carousel.

Carol: This is George, Elaine and Jerry. These are the guys who got us the apartment.
Larry: Oh, you don't know how grateful I am, if there's anything I can ever do to repay you, I, I mean, we're just so thrilled with this place.
Carol: It's a dream.
Larry: I'm running in the park now, I've lost weight, we're barbecuing every night and the rent is unbelievable.
George: We're really glad for you.
Elaine: Couldn't be happier.
Jerry: It's wonderful.
Carol: Diane, Diane, come here. This is my new next door neighbor, Diane. These are the guys, who turned this place down, can you believe it? Diane gave me the greatest backrub today, she's a masseuse!
Diane: How, how could you guys have turned this place down? It's such a great location and it's... so close to the park.
George: We're aware of the proximity to the park, yes.

Jerry: How late are the stores open? I'm thinking of maybe, uh, buying a new TV and smash it over my head.
Man #1: I get a call from Gilmore this morning and get this: they're restructuring the organization in Atlanta and I gotta be there on the first of the month.
Man #2: Really? What are you gonna 'bout the apartment?
Man #1: Well, what can I do? Give it up.
Jerry, George and Elaine: What's the rent?