Elaine: It must be the fabric. It's rubbing between you thighs when you walk. That's what's making that swooshy sound.
[George walks back and forth to verify the swoosh]
George: I probably didn't hear it on the way over because of the street noise. [moves again] This is no good! I got to meet these guys from MacKenzie for lunch in half an hour!
Jerry: So what? What would they care?
George: This MacKenzie, he's a bit of a nut. Someone told me he fired the last guy because his nose whistled when he breathed.
Jerry: So you think you're not gonna get the job because your pants make a noise?
George: Let's say it comes down to me and one other guy. He's got a nice quiet suit, and I'm whooshing all over the place! Who do you think he's gonna hire?

Jerry: Kramer, you can't keep avoiding her like this. You're gonna have to say something.
Kramer: What am I supposed to say?
Jerry: Tell her you lost your itch.
George: What happened to your itch?
Kramer: I lost it two days ago. I've been faking it so I wouldn't hurt her feelings.

Kramer: Well, hi Olive. [reaches for Kramer's back] No, no. No more of that. There's something I have to tell you.
Olive: What?
Kramer: Uh, well, there's someone else.
Olive: Someone else?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Olive: Who is she?
Kramer: Her. [points to the Elaine mannequin in Jerry's car]
Olive: her?
Kramer: Yeah, there she is. That's my gal.
Olive: You're a liar. I've seen her in here before. She's not your girlfriend.
Kramer: Now, Olive, look, I'm sorry.
Olive: Why is she wearing her underwear?
Kramer: Well, it's a style. [turns to Jerry] Jerry give me the keys. [catches Jerry's keys] Well, I guess we're gonna go for a drive now. She really loves that.
[When Kramer gets in Jerry's car, he starts making out with the mannequin. Unfortunately his passionate kissing and embrace leads to the mannequin's arm falling off]

George: What are you doing?
Elaine: I got a pebble.
Jerry: Boy, I never heard of that happening to a woman?
Elaine: What the hell does that mean?

Jerry: Here we go. Apple pie. Best apple pie in the city. [starts eating] Delicious. I'm not waiting for you. Take some.
Audrey: No, thanks.
Jerry: You're not gonna have any?
Audrey: No.
Jerry: Do you not like apple pie?
Audrey: No, it's not that.
Jerry: Well, at least taste it.
Audrey: No.
Jerry: You won't even taste it?
Audrey: No.
Jerry: Come on, try it! [Audrey shakes her head] A little taste! [Audrey shakes again] Come on! [Audrey shakes again]

Jerry: She wouldn't so much as taste it.
George: Did she say why?
Jerry: No. She wouldn't say anything. She just kept shaking her head like this.
George: Maybe she's diabetic.
Jerry: No. She carries Entenmanns doughnuts in her purse.

Jerry: I'm sorry. There's no reason for her not to taste that pie.
Elaine: Who wouldn't taste a pie?
Jerry: Audrey.
Elaine: Dump her.
Jerry: Boy, I never broke up with anyone for not tasting pie.
Elaine: Pfft. I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.
Jerry: You did?
Elaine: He could be eating a hero, Jerry, he wouldn't offer me anything. It's a sickness.

[As Kramer scratches his back with Jerry's spatula]
Jerry: Uh, may I help you?
Kramer: It's this itch. I was watching TV without my shirt on, and one my couch cushions didn't have any fabric on it.

Elaine: It looks exactly like me.
George: It's like some pod landed from another planet and took your body. Don't fall asleep, Elaine.
Elaine: What's going on here? How do you think this happened?
George: Whoa, look at this. This is a beautiful suit. Huh?
Elaine: You think that could be a coincidence, George? Is that possible?

Saleswoman: What is her problem?
George: Pfft! What can you do? Is this the price tag?
Saleswoman: Yes.
George: Yes, hello. Party's over. [takes off suit]
Saleswoman: I'll let you in on a little secret. We're having an unadvertised sale starting Friday. That suit will be half-price.
George: So do you think you can put the suit aside and hold it for me?
Saleswoman: Oh, I'm afraid I could't do that. It wouldn't be fair to the other customers.
George: Oh, yes, of course, and we have to be fair. [hides the suit deeper on the rack]