Frankie: Nice captain's chairs, huh?
Jerry: Aye, aye.
Frankie: Oh, there's a spot. Just back up.
Jerry: [beeps] Hold on. There must be a truck backing up.
Frankie: No, that's us.
Jerry: Great. You know, Frankie, I was wondering. What if I decided that it's silly to drive a van, because, you know, I live in New York City. Is there maybe some way I could exchange it?
Frankie: You don't like the van?
Jerry: No, no, no. Just hypothetically.
Frankie: I gotta go to the park.
Jerry: No! No, you don't! No woods! I love the van. I'm a van guy.

Jerry: So you want to take a ride with me out to Jersey? I'm gonna try to sell the van to a lot.
Kramer: A dealer? Are you insane? No, take out an ad. Sell it privately.
Jerry: I don't think I want to meet the people that are in the market for a used van.

George: They don't want to see me anymore.
Jerry: But this is what you've always wanted.
George: It is. I'm just not ready yet.
Jerry: Aw, that's kind of sweet.
George: Ah, shut up, Jerry. My parents think they can ignore me. [chuckles] Well, they better think again.
Jerry: Oh, no. George, please. What are you going to do?
George: You remember my cousin, Rhisa? I'm gonna date her.
Jerry: Mother of God.
George: One little wink. She'll freak out, tell my parents. They'll be all over me.

George: What is this tape?
Jerry: That guy Elaine's dating seems really familiar to me. I think he may have been a comedian I worked with one time. Wait a minute, what is this?
Announcer: [on TV] This week end Nobody Beats The Wiz is slashing prices on our entire stock.
Jack: [on TV] Nobody beats me because I'm the Wiz! Yes. I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz.
Jerry: That is the guy!
George: Elaine's in love with the Wiz guy?
Jerry: No, she thinks she's in love with him. But she's just remembering this old commercial.
George: That's pretty pathetic.
Jerry: I know. They're not even related.

Jerry: So, what do you know about this Jack fellow?
Elaine: Isn't he the best?
Jerry: Yeah, nobody beats him. What kind of work does he do?
Elaine: Oh, right now he's a fact checker for New York Magazine. It's not much, but it has a certain type of quiet dignity.
Jerry: Ah. Right, quiet dignity. As opposed to, say, this? [turns on TV]
Jack: [on TV] Nobody beats me, because I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!
Elaine: Oh, no.
Jerry: Oh, yes.

Jerry: [answers phone] Hello? Yeah, the van is still for sale. Sure, come on by.
Kramer: [rushes into Jerry's apartment] Yeah, I called about the van.

George: Some more Merlot?
Rhisa: Yeah, thanks.
George: Sure. You know, Rhisa. [she slurps her wine] I've always found you... very attractive.
Rhisa: What?
George: I know it may sound shocking. But, I just can't stop myself from... wanting you.
Rhisa: You want to borrow money, right?
George: No, no. I-I just want us to be... together.
Rhisa: All right.
George: All right?
Rhisa: Let's go for it.
George: Well... we could dance around it a little first.
Rhisa: [playing footsie] Nah. Let's be bad, George. Let's be really... bad.

Kramer: [handing out flyers] Here you go. Mail is evil. Pass it on. Hey, mail blows. Fax it to a friend.
Woman: Why does this dummy have a bucket on its head?
Kramer: Because we're blind to their tyranny.
Woman: Then shouldn't you be wearing the bucket?
Kramer: Yeah. Move along, Betty.

Jerry: She's into it?
George: She's leaving me dirty messages on my answering machine.
Jerry: So have your parents found out about it?
George: She wants to keep it quiet. She thinks we have a real future together.
Jerry: Brave new world, all right.

Jerry: Frankie, come on out of there.
Frankie: You hate the van.
Jerry: But I'm keeping it. As much as I hate the idea of being a van guy, it's much better than hanging out here with the nocturnal dirt people.
Frankie: So, can we go for a ride?
Jerry: Yeah, let's just get out of here.
Hole Digger #2: Are you done with that? [climbs in the hole]