George: Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you. I noticed that you have a textbook on tape. May I ask where you got that?
Man: Reading for the Blind. They can get any book on tape.
George: I tell you, I am hooked on these books on tape.
Man: Oh, tell me about it. These things have ruined me for Braille.

Jerry: Reading for the Blind?
George: I take an eye test. I flunk it. The next thing you know, I am swinging to the sweet sounds of risk management.

Jerry: So, I finally met the mentor.
George: What's she like? Impressive?
Jerry: Oh, yeah. She's dating Bania.
George: Bania?!
Jerry: Yeah. I had to spend two hours at dinner last night with that specimen.
George: What did you have?
Jerry: Chicken. How could she look up to a person who voluntarily spends time with Bania?
George: Marsala?
Jerry: Piccata. If anything, I should be dating a mentor and Bania should be setting pins in a bowling alley.

Elaine: That's good work, guys. That ought to do it for today.
Eddie: Wait. You didn't ask me about my ideas.
Elaine: Oh, Eddie, well it's your first day.
Eddie: I'm ready.
Elaine: Oh, okay.
Eddie: "It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife... The only friend who hasn't betrayed you. The only friend who won't be dead by sun-up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts."

George: Nothing at all.
Doctor: Well, George, your vision is quite impaired. If you'll just sign this insurance form, here's a pen.
[As George reaches for the pen, he grabs the doctor's face]
George: You're a very handsome man, by the way.

Jerry: What are you doing?
Kramer: I got three kitchens going. I got brisket going at Newman's. I got kugel working at Mrs. Zanfino's. This is kreplach. Here, try some of this.
Jerry: No, I don't want to.
Kramer: Eat, eat, you're skin and bones.

Abby: I think there's a dead animal in the elevator.
Kramer: My stuffed cabbage!

Abby: So, great dinner last night.
Jerry: Yeah, it was all right.
Abby: I told Cynthia we'd double with her and Bania Saturday and then catch his act.
Jerry: No. No, no way. No Bania.
Abby: What?
Jerry: Have you seen his act? He's got a twelve-minute bit about Ovaltine. He's a pug, a patsy, a hack.
Abby: Cynthia would not date a hack.
Jerry: Would. Does. Is.

Elaine: Before we get started, I am happy to tell you that Eddie Sherman is no longer writing for this catalog. [murmurs of relief] He's upstairs, I made him Director of Corporate Development.
Dugan: You promoted him?
Elaine: Well, no, I would hardly--
Dugan: I bust my hump ever day.
Elaine: Relax.
Dugan: As far as I'm concerned, you and your deranged protege can run the catalog by yourselves! I quit! [others echo the sentiment and walk out]
Elaine: Hey. Hey. Hey!

Jerry: So you saw Bania's act?
Abby: He got two minutes into that Ovaltine thing and I just couldn't take it anymore.
Jerry: I told you. It's like getting beaten with a bag of oranges.
Abby: Why is he so obsessed with Ovaltine?
Jerry: He just thinks that anything that dissolves in milk is funny.