Mrs. Ross: Doesn't George look like your sister, Sarah?
Mr. Ross: A slight resemblance.
Mrs. Ross: Her son's a podiatrist, you know.
George: Oh, I have tremendous respect for people who work with feet. I mean, to dedicate yourself to the foot. You're toiling in virtual anonymity. I mean...

[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's this whole talking during sex business. I mean, what are we doing here? The question is... Does the talking really improve the sex, or is the sex act now just there to spice up the conversation? Of course, eventually, I'm sure people will get too tired, too lazy, even for phone sex. They'll start having phone machine sex, you know. "Yeah, I want you really bad. Just leave it on the tape." And then I guess the phone company will come out with sex waiting. I guess that will be the new thing. "Yeah, hold on, honey. I've got another call." "Oh, hi, baby. One second." "Honey, I've got to take this. Yeah, I've got sex waiting on the other line and I've got to take this."

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I don't think people think of their office as a workplace. I think people think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You know what I mean? You wanna get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. Why do people who work in offices have pictures of their family on their desk facing them? Do they forget that they're married? Do they go, "All right, 5:00. Time to hit the bars and pick up some hookers. Hold it a second, I got a wife and three kids. I better get home. I completely forgot."

Jerry: You're meeting the father for the first time?
George: Yeah.
Jerry: Well, you'll make quite an impression on him when you tell him how you burned his cabin down.
George: I didn't burn it down. Kramer did!
Jerry: I mean, the whole thing is ironic. Think of it. Here the guy is nice enough to give you a box of very fine Cuban cigars..
George: Yeah, I know what happened.
Jerry: No, but wait, wait: And then you dump them off onto Kramer.
George: I know.
Jerry: Who... Who proceeds to burn the man's cabin down with one of those very same cigars! It's very comical.

George: I wonder how Susan's father's going to react to this. All right, what- What's the worst he could do? So you burn a house down..
Jerry: Come on. It's not even a house. It's, like, a cabin.
George: We could build a cabin like that.
Jerry: Well, maybe not us, but two men could.

Elaine: Could you do me a favor? Um, when my friends call, could you not talk to them for too long?
Sandra: Why? Did Jerry say something?
Elaine: No, no.
Sandra: He must have said something.
Elaine: Oh, no, he didn't say anything.
Sandra: [near tears] I can't work for you! I can't. I'm leaving. [exits]
Elaine: No, Sandra. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I really am! Listen, listen, Jerry's under a lot of pressure right now. It's very hard being a stand-up comedian! Sometimes they don't laugh!

Kramer: No more golf.
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: Well, you remember I told you about the pro, you know, at the Westchester Country Club, who's letting me play a round every time I give him a couple of those Cuban cigars?
Jerry: Yeah.
Kramer: Yeah, well, I lost them all in the fire! Hey, George, maybe you can ask Susan's father for more, huh?
George: What are you, Crazy? I can't ask the guy for more cigars after you burned down his cabin!
Kramer: Why? What's one thing got to do with another?
George: Kramer, please.
Kramer: Well, I can't go back to the public courses, now. I can't! I won't. I mean, you know what that's like? It's crowded. The grass has big brown patches in it. They don't rake the sand traps! Not to mention the caliber of people you have to play with!

Mr. Ross: How are you enjoying those cigars I gave you?
George: Oh, uh, the cigars? [chuckles nervously] I'm, uh, sucking 'em down. I'm puffing my brains out, yeah.
Mr. Ross: You know those cigars are made special for Castro?
George: [impersonating Carson] I didn't not know that. Weird. Wild. [Susan and George both laugh]
Mr. Ross: What?
Susan Ross: He's doing Johnny Carson, daddy.
Mr. Ross: I didn't care much for his jokes.
Susan Ross: Daddy never laughs.
George: Oh, well, so what? Laughter. What is that? I mean, what is the point of opening your mouth and going "Ha, ha!"? What is that? "Ha, ha!"?

George: The cabin. [chuckles] Well... Susan?
Susan Ross: Uh, about the cabin..
Mr. Ross: I love that place. My father built that cabin in 1947. My mother was recuperating from impetigo at the time, and dad thought it would be a good idea to get her out into the fresh air. She died there the following winter. And he passed away 10 years later to the day. His last words to me were, [Mrs. Ross mouths the words] "Cherish the cabin." Not, uh, "Take care of your sister." She's a paraplegic. But, "Cherish the cabin." And I have, for 45 years. It's often been a sanctuary for me.
George: Kinda like Superman's fortress of solitude.
Mr. Ross: What?
George: Uh, Superman. He, uh, built the fortress of solitude up at the North Pole, to, uh, you know, sort of get away from it all.

Mr. Ross: The cabin burned?
George: [laughs] Yeah, burned. Whoo!
Mrs. Ross: [laughing] Burned!
Mr. Ross: Was anything found? Was it all burned to the ground?! Did they find anything?
Susan Ross: No. Nothing.
Mrs. Ross: [laughing] Nothing! Ha, ha, ha.
[A devastated Mr. Ross gets up and slowly walks out of the room]
George: But, you know, Mr. Ross, if... If you look at the whole situating, what with it being your cigars, and everything, it's really rather ironic. One might even say, in a sense, comical. [Mrs. Ross laughs] Really. Think about it.