Jerry: So, we're, uh, drinking and talking, and uh, so, she starts rubbing my leg.
George: Woo-hoo! What did you do?
Jerry: Have you ever told a woman to stop touching your leg?
George: Yeah, right.
Jerry: I mean, I know it's the wrong thing to do. She works in Elaine's office. I know it's wrong, but I can't get that hand off my leg. I mean, I'm looking at the hand, and I'm thinking, "That hand should not be on my leg." But I can't make my brain to get my mouth to say the words, "Would you mind?!"
George: Yeah, woman have no problem getting the hand off. How do they do that?
Jerry: I don't know, they're working on a whole other level.

George: All right, so, go ahead.
Jerry: So we go back to my apartment..
George: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jerry: So, we're, uh, fooling around there. You know, it's getting a little passionate. [leans in] And, uh, she starts with the dirty talking.
George: All right, all right, hold on! Time out! Whoa, whoa. What did she say?
Jerry: Oh, you know, the usual..
George: No, I don't know. How do I know the usual? [picks up a ketchup container]
Jerry: Typical things.
George: What typical? Gimme typical. Gimme some typical.
Jerry: She says, uh... [Jerry talks discreetly to George, who gets excited and squeezes the ketchup container]
George: [breathing deeply] That's very dirty. That's absolutely filthy.
Jerry: And then she starts talking about her panties.
George: [to the waitress] I'm gonna need some water here!

George: Okay, what did you say?
Jerry: Now, bear in mind, I am just trying to keep up.
George: Of course.
Jerry: Okay? So, she's taking about her panties, so, uh.. So, I said, "You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"
George: [confused pause] "The panties your mother laid out for you"? [Jerry nods] What does that mean?
Jerry: I don't know! It just popped out.
George: Well, how did she react?
Jerry: She flipped out! Just left.
George: Well, that's not offensive. It's abnormal, but it's not offensive.
Jerry: Look, the main thing is I don't want Elaine to know about any of this. I mean, especially the panty remark. I mean, it's embarrassing. And she's never let me hear the end of it.
George: Well, what if this girl says something?
Jerry: She will tell her. She's going back to work. I talked her into it. How stupid was that?

Kramer: Buenos dias.
Secretary: Buenos dias.
Kramer: Uh, habla ingles?
Secretary: Si.
Kramer: Giddy-up. Okay, uh. Um. I need to talk to someone.
Secretary: What is this about?
Kramer: Uh, well, It's a very private matter, but it's extremely urgent.
Secretary: Are you an American?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Secretary: I see. Excuse me. [picks up the phone]
Kramer: Okay.

Kramer: Buenos dias.
Man: What is your name, Senor?
Kramer: Uh, Kramer.
Man: So, Senor Kramer, what is this about?
Kramer: Cigars.
Man: Cigars?
Kramer: Cigars.
Man: What about cigars?
Kramer: Uh, see here, I.. [pulls out a paper ring from his pocket] I saved one of the cigar rings..
Man: Oh. [laughs, pulls out a cigar] You mean one of these..
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. That- That's, uh, okay, So, uh, I'd like to buy a couple of boxes of those from you, yeah?
Man: You do realize, of course, these are illegal in your country.
Kramer: Um, wha- Oh, illegal, huh?
Man: I like that jacket. [reaches out and touches Kramer's jacket]

Susan Ross: Oh, they're letters. [hands the box to George] Here.
George: Oh, sure.
Susan Ross: From... from John Cheever.
Jerry & George: Wow.
Susan Ross: "Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my... orgasm has left me a cripple. I don't how how I shall ever get back to work. I love you madly, John. P.S. Loved the cabin."

Jerry: All right, look, we gotta get back to work. We just had a big breakthrough here.
Elaine: Okay, I'll leave you two alone.
Jerry: Okay.
Elaine: Maybe I'll go visit my mother. She just bought me some new panties, and they're all laid out for me.

George: Bics? What, did you get get, Bics?
Jerry: What, you got a problem with the pen now?
George: Well, I like a rolling writer. They're very smooth.

Jerry: All right, let's just get to work. "NBC Pilot, Seinfeld project. Act I, Scene A."
George: So, you're gonna sit there?
Jerry: Let me explain to you one of the key elements involved in the writing process. Because it may seem outwardly that the pen, and the paper, and the chair play a large role. But they're all some what incidental to the actual using of the brain. Okay, so just park yourself. All right. Act I, Scene A.
George: Drink?
Jerry: No, no thank you.
George: All right, here we go.
Jerry: Act 1, Scene A. [long silence]
George: Weren't you supposed to call Elaine?
Jerry: Yes!

Jerry: [on the phone] Hi, is Elaine there? Oh, uh, Hi, Sandra. Uh, yeah. I can hold. [to George] Every time I call I gotta chit-chat with her assistant for, like, twenty minutes. [back on the phone] Oh, hi, Sandra. Listen, I'm at a pay phone, and there's lots of people here waiting to use it. [yells] I'll be off in a minute! Yeah, could you just put me through to Elaine? Okay, thanks!