Jerry: [on the phone] So the picture worked. Amazing!
George: Hey, she wants me to dress smart casual. What...? What is that?
Jerry: I don't know, but you don't have it.

Bizarro George: I got it.
Bizarro Kramer: You got it last time.
Bizarro George: Don't worry about it.
Elaine: This is unbelievable.
Bizarro Kramer: Say, Elaine, what do you think of an alarm clock that automatically tells you the weather when you wake up?
Elaine: Well, I gotta say, I think that that is a fantastic idea, Feldman.
Bizarro Kramer: Nah, I don't know. It's not practical.
Kevin: Well, see you later, Elaine. Feldman and I gotta get down to the library.
Elaine: What are you gonna do down there?
Kevin: Read.
Elaine: [waves as they leave] Hello.

Jerry: Kramer, put the paper down. You never listen to me anymore. We hardly even talk.
Kramer: Well, we're talking now, aren't we?
Jerry: I see you 20 minutes in the morning...
Kramer: Oh, here we go.
Jerry: And when you come home you're exhausted. We never do anything anymore.
Kramer: What are you starting with me for? You know this is my crazy time of year.
Jerry: It's your third day.
Kramer: I gotta go to work. We'll talk about this later.
Jerry: Well, call if you're gonna be late.

Kramer: Jerry. Hey, Jerry?
Jerry: I'm right here. [Kramer flicks the lights on] You're late.
Kramer: Yeah, well, I got held up, you know. What happened to your hand?
Jerry: Like you care.
Kramer: Work piled up, I lost track of the time.
Jerry: Oh, sure. Sure. You and your work. Elaine's off in the Bizarro World, George only calls when he wants something, and I'm left sitting here like this chicken. Which, by the way, was for two.
Kramer: What? You cooked?
Jerry: I ordered in. It's still effort.

Kevin: Who is it?
Bizarro Kramer: [o.s.] Feldman. From across the hall.
Kevin: Hold on. [opens door] Hey.
Bizarro Kramer: Hey, Kevin. Look who I ran into.
Bizarro Newman: Hello, Kevin.
Kevin: Hello, Vargas. [they laugh and shake hands] Wanna catch a game this weekend?
Bizarro Newman: Great. I'll see you later.
Kevin: Okay. Vargas!
Bizarro Kramer: Well, I got them.
Kevin: All right. Hey, Elaine, Feldman was able to get us all tickets to the Bolshoi. [Elaine gasps] Fourth row, center.
Elaine: Get out! [pushes Kevin, who falls to the floor]
Bizarro Kramer: What's the matter with you?
Elaine: Oh, Kevin. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Bizarro George: Haven't you done enough already?
Elaine: I'll just... [gets her bag; tries to open the door] It's... It's locked.

Bizarro George: At work, I discovered a pay phone in the lobby that has free long distance.
Kevin: Oh, so, what did you do?
Bizarro George: I called the phone company and immediately reported the error.
Kevin: Nice. [doorbell] Who is it?
Bizarro Kramer: [o.s.] Feldman. From across the hall.
Kevin: Hold on.
Bizarro Kramer: Kevin. Brought you some groceries.
Kevin: Again? Feldman, you didn't have to do that.
Bizarro Kramer: Hey, what are friends for?
Kevin: You know, I may not say this enough... but you two are about the best friends a guy could have. [they hug] Me so happy. Me want to cry.

George: [sees an attractive receptionist] Whoa. Nice.
Jerry: Why don't you try your engagement story?
[George takes a step towards the receptionist and then turns around]
George: Won't work.
Jerry: Are you sure?
George: He knows.

Elaine: Look, Kevin, I really like you... but maybe we'd be better off just being friends.
Kevin: Friends?
Elaine: Yeah. I mean... [takes bite of a sandwich] Oh, God, this tuna tastes like an old sponge.
Kevin: Friends. Yeah. Why not friends? I might like to try that. Like you and Jerry.

Office Worker: This damn thing is jammed again.
Kramer: You know what happens with these? The rollers, they get flat spots on them. [presses buttons, hits copier]
Office Manager: Hey, Leland wants everyone in the conference room now.
Office Worker: Come on, let's go.
[Kramer follows the workers to the conference room]
Kramer: Oh, yeah.

Elaine: You remember I was telling you about Gillian, my friend who writes for the L.L. Bean catalog. I really think you should give her a call.
Jerry: I don't know, do you have it...? [Elaine hands Jerry a small picture] Not bad. What does she...?
Elaine: I put her stats on the back.
Jerry: Pretty impressive. Serious boyfriend, '92 to '95. Owns her own car.
Elaine: Yup.
Jerry: Favorite president, James Polk.