‘The Apology’
Season 9, Episode 9 - Aired December 11, 1997
George is upset when he doesn't get an apology from recovering alcoholic Jason Hanky (guest star James Spader). Jerry realizes there's "bad naked" when his girlfriend constantly walks around the apartment in the nude. Elaine's colleague seems to have a problem with her germs. Meanwhile, Kramer decides to improve his shower routine.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Well, I hit the wall yesterday with Lady Godiva. She did a full-body flex on a pickle jar.
George: Did you explain about the good naked and the bad naked?
Jerry: Where am I gonna get a fat guy and a cannonball?
George: Well, what if you showed her bad naked, huh? You still got that belt sander?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Well, you on all fours, that thing vibrating, kicking up sawdust. She'll get the picture.
Quote from Jerry
Melissa: What are you doing?
Jerry: I found a spot on the kitchen floor. I thought I'd polish it up with this belt sander I have here.
Melissa: No, not that. Why are you naked?
Jerry: I thought naked is good.
Melissa: This isn't good naked.
Quote from George
Jerry: He took you to Rage-aholics? Why?
George: Probably because this whole universe is against me.
Jerry: You got a little rage.
George: I know. And now, they want me to bottle it up. It makes me so mad.
Jerry: By the way, my bad-naked demo didn't quite work.
George: This bread has nuts in it!
Quote from David Puddy
David Puddy: [answers phone after staring blankly] Puddy.
Kramer: Is David Puddy there?
David Puddy: This is Puddy.
Kramer: Oh, this is Kramer.
David Puddy: I know.
Kramer: Hey, listen, you're a mechanic. Could you help me install a garbage disposal?
David Puddy: You gotta dismantle the latch hasp from the auxiliary drainage line.
Kramer: No, it says main line.
David Puddy: It's a misprint. What do you got, a Clarkman?
Kramer: Yeah.
David Puddy: I'll call you back. I'll talk you through it.
Kramer: Oh, okay. Well, thanks, Puddy.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Hey, Puddy.
David Puddy: Hey, babe, your boss called. You owe 5 bucks for a balloon bouquet. Yeah, he says you can just give it to him tomorrow when you see him.
Elaine: Balloon bouquet for who?
David Puddy: Peggy took a turn for the worse.
Elaine: Peggy? Great. I suppose she's still blaming me?
David Puddy: That's what he said.
Quote from David Puddy
Elaine: I don't believe this woman.
David Puddy: Talk to me, babe.
Elaine: She's this crazy woman who is convinced that my germs make her sick.
David Puddy: Oh, a germaphobe. I know what that's about. I'm a recovering germaphobe. Ten years.
Elaine: What is this symbol?
David Puddy: It's a germ.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: So I'm glad we had a talk and worked this out. Don't you feel this is better?
Melissa: This is nice.
Jerry: Yes, clothes. This is normal.
Melissa: What are you doing tomorrow? [Jerry starts picturing Melissa naked] I was thinking that we could go... Jerry? Jerry, are you listening to me?
Jerry: Yeah. What? I'm sorry.
Melissa: I wanted to know what you were doing tomorrow. [Melissa starts picturing a naked, ape-like Jerry] Maybe a haircut and, I don't know, maybe go somewhere...
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: [on the phone] So you broke up.
Jerry: We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying to picture her naked. she kept trying to not picture me naked.
Kramer: Hang on.
Jerry: So, what are you up to?
Kramer: Oh, just cooking up a little thank-you for Puddy. Hey, how do you make those radish roses?
Jerry: Insert a knife into the center and twist. Then to make it bloom, soak it in water for 30 to 40 minutes.
Kramer: No problem there.
Quote from Elaine
George: Excuse me? Is this Rage-aholics?
David Puddy: No. Germaphobes.
George: Thanks. What are you guys doing here?
Elaine: Kramer.