Elaine: What's going on? What is that look?
Jerry: What look? Nothing.
Elaine: Something's going on here.
Jerry: I don't know if you should sit for this or not. Sitting is good if you faint, but standing is good for jumping up and down.. I can't decide.
Elaine: Jumping up and down? What are you talking about? Come on. Cough it up.
Jerry: Oh, Elaine. You know the way I am, rarely ever thinking of myself. My only concern is the welfare and happiness of those close to me. Sure, it hurts sometimes to give, and give, and give.
Elaine: Would you please?

George: What happened to you?
Jerry: You can't believe what I just did.
George: What? What did you do?
Jerry: I could tell you what I did, but you wouldn't believe it. It's not believable.
George: What did you do?
Jerry: How could I have done that?
George: Done what?

Jerry: I told Elaine about an apartment opening up in my building. She's going to move in.
George: Elaine's moving into your building?
Jerry: Yes. Right above me.
George: Right above you?
Jerry: Yes.
George: You're gonna be neighbors.
Jerry: I know. Neighbors.
George: She's right above you?
Jerry: Right above me.
George: How could you do that?

Jerry: Come in for two minutes and sit with me.
George: I was just in there. It's embarrassing.
Jerry: Oh, who's gonna know?
George: They saw me walk out.
Jerry: Two minutes.

Jerry: Look at this woman feeding her baby greasy, disgusting, coffee shop corned beef hash. Isn't that child abuse?
George: I'd like to have a kid. Of course, you have to have a date first.

Kramer: Hey, my new neighbor!
Elaine: I'm not moving in.
Kramer: What?
Elaine: They want five thousand dollars now.
Kramer: So, okay. What's the problem?
Elaine: I don't have five thousand dollars.
Kramer: Come on, you can come up with five thousand dollars. Jerry, you don't have five thousand dollars you can led her? Come on.
Jerry: Yeah, well, I didn't... Is that something you want to borrow?
Elaine: No, that's too much money to borrow.
Kramer: Loan her the money. You can afford it.
Jerry: She doesn't want to borrow the money.
Kramer: Oh, come on. She'll pay you back. What's five grand between friends?
Elaine: Of course I'd pay you back..
Kramer: Yeah, so what's the problem?
Jerry: Who said there's a problem?
Kramer: He said he'd loan you the money.
Elaine: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. Maybe a few years. How do you feel about that?
Kramer: That's okay. He doesn't care.
Elaine: You know, money can sometimes come between friends.
Kramer: Get outta here.
Elaine: Let me think about it.
Kramer: What's to think about?
Elaine: Well, I don't know... I don't know. Five thousand... Let me just take one more look at it.

Jerry: It was all over! Taken care of. Done! Finished. Five thousand.. Where's she gonna get five thousand? She doesn't have five thousand. Clean. Good bye. She's gone. Then you come in, "Why don't you loan her five thousand? What do you care? You've got five thousand. Give her five thousand."
Kramer: You didn't want her in the building?
Jerry: No, I didn't!
Kramer: Well, then what did you loan her the five thousand for?

Elaine: Jerry's the one who got me my new apartment!
Roxanne: So, you're Elaine's hero.
Jerry: Yeah, it's my life's work.
Roxanne: There are so few true heroes left in this world.

George: Yeah, my wife couldn't make it today. She's got some thing with her mother. Who know's what going on with her. Don't let any one kid you, it's tough.

George: Yeah, my wife started getting on me about the lawn today. I'm tellin' ya, it's one thing after another.
Rita: Is she here?
George: No, she's working.
Rita: What does she do?
George: She's an entymologist. You know, bees, flies, gnats. What about you?
Rita: I work for the Director of Madison Square Garden. It's great! I can get free tickets to any sporting even in New York. Anyway, she's a very luck woman. [leaves]
George: But...