J.D. Quote #1745
J.D.: Look, we need to stop seeing each other as enemies. Sean, you and I have had sex with the same women. Therefore, we're wiener cousins. And where I come from, this right here... Stronger than family.
Sean: That's ridiculous.
J.D.: Oh, is it ridiculous, fellas?
[Snoop Dogg Attending and Dr. Beardfacé are locking finger]
J.D.: Nurse Roberts. Both of them. One night. May she rest in peace.
Scrubs Quotes
‘My Cuz’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Barista: Folks, I'm sorry but we have to close. Our pastry maker was just admitted to the hospital with a highly contagious intestinal virus.
Dr. Kelso: [finishing his fifth muffin] What the hell. I'm already in it.
[later:]
Dr. Kelso: Hi, I need to check myself in.
Nurse: For what?
Dr. Kelso: [vomits] For that.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: You know what sucks? I have to hire a new Chief or Surgery. And I just can't fathom giving any of you tiny-brained scalpel jockeys a leadership position. Honestly, so far, this is the only candidate who I'm seriously considering. The guy has the opposable thumbs so you automatically know he can handle the job. And, well, I was just thinking if you slap a diaper on him and maybe tape some glasses to his face, sure as shooting he'll look professional enough. Do you know what? I'm gonna call the gentleman.
Quote from Janitor
Todd: So how's married life?
Janitor: You have to make compromises. Like my wife's allergic to raccoons, so I had to throw out my comforter.