Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?

J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

J.D.: [v.o.] I was super-psyched to get my scooter, Sasha, back from the shop. But my new scooter insurance hadn't kicked in yet, so I was being extra cautious.
[As J.D. places traffic cones around his scooters, sirens wail in the distance]
J.D.: Perfect. Time for my morning slushie.
Police Officer: Get out of the way! The store's being robbed! Freeze!
[As the robber emerges from the convenience store, he seeks cover. He looks back and forth between a wall and J.D.'s scooter]
J.D.: The wall! Hide behind the wall! No! [gunfire] Sasha!
Robber: All right, all right. OK.
J.D.: There was a wall! What's the matter with you? [gun shots] Who's still shooting? She's down! It's over!

Carla: Hey, Dr. Cox, you want to put in for some lottery tickets?
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Carla, I would. I really would. But you see, I already set fire to a big pile of money just this morning.
Carla: Hey, we have the same chance of winning as anyone else.
Dr. Cox: And the category is... ding! Things that have a better chance of happening than you winning. Ted-ski, throw ten seconds on the clock for me, would you please?
Ted: Go!
Dr. Cox: Brain transplants, Britney Spears having another hit record, the Rolling Stones going on a farewell tour and meaning it, me caring about anything that happens on Wisteria Lane, Jessica Simpson winning an Oscar, Jessica Alba winning an Oscar, Jessica Simpson becoming Jessica Alba-Simpson-
Ted: Time.
Dr. Cox: Oh!

Turk: Dude, are you really gonna sit here all day just to thank your garbage man?
J.D.: Yes, Jabbarie has been added to the hug schedule. Want to wait with me?
Turk: I can't. I was supposed to be on-call five minutes ago.
J.D.: [v.o.] This whole experience got me thinking about the nature of gratitude. I guess in the end...
[present, at the morbidity & mortality conference:]
J.D.: Whether you're a doctor or a garbage man...
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, what are you doing?
J.D.: Sorry, sir. Sometimes I like to just sum things up.