Johnny: It's gonna take more than a license to grill to get this thing back to life.
Roland: Okay look, um, I can smell your fear, okay? So why don't you go grab the meat and the briquettes, and I'll get this bad boy up and running for ya?
Johnny: Okay well, thank you, Roland. And just so you're aware, this has nothing to do with me not knowing my way around a grill. I've watched many a personal chef flip a burger in my day.
Roland: I've got the perfect apron for ya, Poor Little Rich Grill. [laughs] I'll get it made up.

Moira: David, blame me.
David: Oh, I do.
Moira: Patrick was about to slip away with the signatures when I corralled him into a little lunchtime chin wag.

Moira: David, you can't blame us for being excited. Your father and I, we weren't involved in your past relationships, and from what I understand, it was one bungle after another. I'm not saying there's a connection.
David: There's no connection, it's just a long string of very bad luck, and I don't know what kind of carnage I inflicted in a past life, to deserve it. I must've been Dracula, or a spin instructor.
Moira: And what if we could finally tie a sailor's knot in that string of bad luck? Because after spending 5 minutes alone with sweet Pat...
David: We're not doing Pat.
Moira: He sees you. For all that you are.
David: Well, hopefully not all that I am, I mean that would be...
Moira: Oh, David, you have the opportunity to climb out of the quicksand that was your past, and stand firmly in the present. Let us celebrate that.

Johnny: You know, Roland, when you said you found a grill, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Roland: What'd you expect Johnny, Benihana? [laughs]

David: Why would Patrick do that?
Moira: That was my first thought. Celebrating a monthly anniversary seems a bit of a reach. But then Alexis informed us that this is the longest relationship you've ever had!
Alexis: Four whole months, David.
Johnny: How 'bout that?
David: Okay, this is not the longest relationship I've ever had. I had a very intimate connection with Tony, for several years.
Alexis: She was your pen pal, David.
Moira: She was in a penitentiary, dear.

Johnny: Well, this calls for a celebration. Now, Roland just found a barbecue in the shed, so, I say you invite Patrick over, we fire it up, and have a good old fashioned Rose family barbecue.
Alexis: Yes, David.
Stevie: I mean, we already have dessert. I mean, this would feed at least 10 people.
David: Okay, first of all, no one's sharing the cookie. And second of all, Patrick is not being invited to a barbecue.
Alexis: Is he pulling back?
David: No!
Alexis: Has he asked you about an open relationship?
David: Not yet. Anyway, everything is fine, which is why I would rather not subject him to eating charred meat with this group of carnies.
Stevie: Carnies are people too.

David: Okay, should I save him?
Moira: Oh, they'll be fine. Let's just sit back and enjoy the sight of our two strapping men bonding over an open flame.

David: I know, um, it's just that my truth is that I am damaged goods, and this has really messed things up for me. And I think I need some time with it.
Patrick: All right.
David: Actually, um, I haven't had dinner yet, so...
Patrick: I'll grab ya a slider.
David: More than one, um, and some potato salad, and I think there were some other sides on the table, but I couldn't see, so maybe just a smattering of everything.
Patrick: Okay. [emotionally] Okay.

Alexis: Okay, how long do you think before I can go in there?
Johnny: Well, I don't know, he had 6 sliders. I'm assuming he'll be falling asleep soon.
Moira: My poor baby. I told him he was out of the quicksand, but he's not, John, he's sinking. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Alexis: Okay, don't get me wrong, I feel super bad, and partially responsible because I invited Rachel to the barbecue, but at the same time, he's been watching that show for 3 hours and my phone's in there.
Johnny: Well, you might have to go one night without your phone, Alexis.
Alexis: Ugh! [knocks] David! David! [David turns the TV up]