Ted: Sweetie, there will be other conferences. I really think that you need to be here for this.
David: Me too.
Alexis: David, you and mom literally ruin my life.

Johnny: What do you mean, you didn't get the cake?
David: The only Chocolate Ganache cake I could find, was in Elmdale, and I asked Stevie to drive me but she said no because I think she's going through something right now. I don't know. Something with her body.

Alexis: I'm gonna be in Chicago this weekend.
Johnny: You're what?
David: Ted's taking me.
Alexis: We've been planning this for a super long time, so.
David: Well, can I come?
Alexis: No.

Alexis: But, babe, you're going to a veterinary conference in a Chicago suburb and I think that's that's really important for us.
David: Yeah, I know. Here's just the thing about our mom: She'll be really devastated if Alexis doesn't come, and I'm sure you're from a really solid home and-
Alexis: David.
David: Understand.
Alexis: I'm gonna slap you in the face.

Stevie: I have a job that I just can't leave to drive you to Elmdale.
David: Okay yeah, and I totally respect that. It's just that I found a Ganache Torte in Elmdale and I really need to pick it up before my mom's birthday thing, so...
Stevie: I work until six.
David: Okay, but like is anyone checking in this afternoon?
Stevie: It's a cake.
David: It's a torte!

David: Um, is there something going on?
Stevie: You could always just hitch-hike?
David: And wake up chained to a pole in a trucker's basement? Not today.

Alexis: Um, so we're planning this surprise for my mom that's totally not gonna work and I'm supposed to ask you if we can borrow your barn. But if you can't take the night off from bedding women, I totally understand.

Moira: How much are tickets?
Jocelyn: Um, free?
David: We haven't figured out the ticket price yet.
Ronnie: I'm not paying for this thing.

David: Listen, Jocelyn is doing the best that she can Considering what little Jocelyn has to work with.
Moira: David, personal comments are in bad taste.

Moira: I see. Clearly you don't need the help of the most prominent philanthropist in the country.