Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

Ray: And sold! To Johnny Rose, for the price of $15 dollars. Which, uh, I hope you can afford. You know, considering your financial situation.
Johnny: Yeah, I get it, Ray. I get it. I get it. I've got cash, and I'd just like my cufflinks, please.

Roland: Are they durable?
Wendy: Oh well, durability's a given here at the "Blouse Barn." And if you're asking my opinion-
David: Are we, though?
Wendy: It's between these two.
Roland: Well, this is a real "Sophie's Choice!"
David: I hope that you and Jocelyn don't role play that at home.
Roland: Hell, we've played every Streep movie.

Johnny: I wonder who got my golf clubs.
Moira: Really, John, that's the first thing that comes to mind?
Johnny: They were custom made.
Moira: So was my Galapagonian tortoise-shell foot bath. And now some lonely hoarder is letting his cats poop in it.