Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

Alexis: Hey, Twy. Um, Twy, what is in the "Meadow Harvest" smoothie?
Twyla: Uh you know, it changes every day. Just depends on my mood. But it's all organic, earthy ingredients.
Alexis: Okay, so it's like fruity or..?
Twyla: Yes, it is. Yup. At times. And then other times, not.
Alexis: Okay! Well, today, is it more fruity or more vegetably?
Twyla: No, I don't know. I've gotta check in the back and see what we have.
Alexis: So Meadow Harvest doesn't refer to anything in particular.
Twyla: No, Meadow Harvest is exactly how it sounds. It just changes everyday.

Jocelyn: Anyways, I asked this kid to come to the front of the class and solve this math equation and he was "pitching a tent." He had a boner!
Johnny: Oh.
Jocelyn: And then I was thinking, these are young boys, these poor kids, and it can't be easy having a teacher like myself, so... What was your question again?
Johnny: You know, it's been so long I can't remember.

Johnny: You know, honey, a little pampering might not be a bad idea. Could alleviate some of that weight your carrying around.
Moira: So now I'm fat and stressed?
Johnny: Emotional weight. Emotional.
Moira: John, go find a towel now, please, or I will strip out of this robe and I will air dry in the street!