Moira: Jocelyn, it's really good to see you out and about. Yes, I was starting to worry.
Jocelyn: Why?
Moira: Well, I happened to be chatting with our dear little Twyla about her party tonight, and she mentioned that you have yet to RSVP? And I thought, that's not the Jocelyn I know. What must've felled her?

Ted: Sometimes I wish I could go back to college. Pub nights, frisbee in the quad-
Alexis: Hmm.
Ted: Late night hacky sack. We got some serious sack circles going.
Alexis: Oh, so many sex circles.
Ted: Sack. Hacky sack. We always hoped they'd lead to sex, but still... College, so crazy.
Alexis: So crazy.

Ted: And truth be told, it took me a minute to finish high school myself.
Alexis: You're only saying that to make me feel better.
Ted: No, no, me and some friends, we just got in a car, and took off.
Alexis: Really?
Ted: Yeah, we were following the American Idol tour. We missed a couple shows, but it's always the exact same set, so no regrets.
Alexis: Um, I really wish you hadn't told me that last little bit, but thank you.
Ted: That makes two of us.

Moira: Exactly, David. You are bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui!
David: Okay, that's a bit much.
Moira: I blame myself. I've set a standard of activity and engagement so high you don't even try.
David: Okay, I am on a much needed respite whilst in between jobs.
Moira: You are squandering your social capital. A taste-maker like you should be out there, tasting things!
David: Uh, I'm at the buffet, and there is nothing to taste!

Moira: Does this town not deserve to have a marquee guest like yourself grace their humble soiree?
David: Speaking of marquee guests, I'm surprised you're going.
Moira: I can understand why you'd say that, but don't you just know Twyla would be thrilled to have as many Roses there tonight as possible!
David: [sighs] Fine, I will make a surprise appearance.
Moira: Good.
David: But it's twice around the room, and then I'm out.
Moira: Is there any other way?

Moira: Wait a minute, we were at the graduation.
Alexis: I know, but I wasn't.
Moira: We saw you there.
David: Did we, though?
Johnny: Yeah. We were there, we might not have stayed through the "R's," I think we left halfway through the "L's."
David: Oh, yeah, it got very repetitive.
Moira: No, I distinctly remember a celebratory lunch at the Hotel de Ville, in Crissier, and you'd had that unfortunate run-in with the spray tan machine.
David: No, that was- That was me.

Johnny: Then how do you explain this graduation photo? Huh?
Alexis: That's Jess Chang.
Johnny: What? Jess Chang?
Alexis: Ugh!
Johnny: Well, who can tell with all this hair in front of your face?
Alexis: That's not my face!
David: Okay, why didn't anyone come to my graduation?
Moira: Well, you didn't graduate in Switzerland.
David: And whose fault is that?!
Alexis: How long have you been carrying that around in your wallet?!

Moira: Well, I hear this year is going to be very different. Twyla apparently sought counsel. Expect thoughtful party favors, themed cocktails, first class catering.
Jocelyn: I thought it was a potluck?
Moira: You, Jocelyn, are the mayor's wife, you are the self-appointed leader of the Jazzigals, and most importantly, Twyla worships you.
Twyla: She does?
Moira: Yes. This party has real momentum now. And with you attached, it's no less than a snowball gathering speed, picking up bodies as it rolls downhill.
Jocelyn: And that's good?
Moira: Very good.

Alexis: Okay, well, this is sort of my thing, though.
David: I really don't think you can claim education as your thing, and I don't even think I'll be able to take those courses, because the stupid people at the college wouldn't just take my word for it when I told them that I had a high school diploma.
Alexis: But why do you need it, though?
David: To prove that I graduated high school.
Alexis: Well, it's not like they're gonna be like, "Oh, you don't have your high school diploma, you can't come to our college."
David: That's almost word for word what they just said to me on the phone.

Moira: [answering phone] Ahem! Rose residence.
David: Uh, where are you?!
Moira: May I ask who's calling?
David: You know who this is, and you know where I am.
Moira: Did everyone show up?
David: Yes, everybody showed up.
Moira: Good, then my work is done.
David: Uh no, your job is not done, You guilted me into coming here tonight!
Moira: And you're better off for it, David. You should thank me. Twyla was set to throw a fiasco until I exerted my influence.
David: Uh, yeah, and the way Twyla keeps asking about where you are, I'm pretty sure you're the murderer.
Moira: They'll never catch me. [hangs up]