Tom Quote #477
Quote from Tom in Swing Vote
Ann: Hey. How did your wild dirtbag fantasy night work out?
Tom: Well, Mona-Lisa and the random girl she grabbed after you left got into a fistfight in the parking lot. Eventually, Mona-Lisa threw a cinderblock through the girl's windshield. She dives in, steals her purse, doesn't go for the money, steals all her birth control pills, and says, "Bitch, you're gonna get pregnant." She then pretends those are ecstasy and sells it to a bunch of college kids that are drinking Goldschläger at a gas station.
Ann: You have to break up with her.
Tom: I tried. Again. It did not go well.
Ann: Did she assault you?
Tom: No, this was a sexual injury.
Ann: Okay, gross.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Swing Vote’ Quotes
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: Hey! What the hell is this?
Ron Swanson: I'm guessing it's my latest budget cut proposal based on your rage sweat.
Leslie Knope: First of all, I am rage glowing. Second, you wanna cut funding for the Pawnee Palms Public Putt-Putt? What did the P.P.P.P.P. ever do to you?
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Ron is very anti-government, and he has that philosophy, but there are just certain things that you don't cut. Schools, police, mini-golf, merry-go-rounds, parades, gazebo repair, roads and bridges, whatever. Pretty gardens, hummingbird feeders.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: I believe in cutting useless government projects. I also believe in cutting useful projects, future projects, and past projects. The Hoover Dam is a travesty.
Leslie Knope: You also believe in making furniture. Why don't you go solder a chair instead?
Ron Swanson: Do you expect me to make a chair out of transistor chips and small wires?
Quote from Andy
Andy: Oh, hey, everybody. My name is Andy Dwyer. You probably know me as the artist formerly known as the lead singer of Mouse Rat. Well, after tonight, you'll only know me as the former artist formerly known as the lead singer of Mouse Rat. I'm retiring from music. This is my swan song.
[plays guitar and sings] Once I was a golden swan Swan of a man Now that swan's name was Andy And he started a rock and roll band He made incredible nachos That everybody claimed they loved And then the band mates dicked him over With a massive rock and roll shove This is my swan song Watch me fly.