Ron Swanson Quote #396
Quote from Ron Swanson in Partridge
Paul: Thank you, Ms. Ludgate. It is now quite clear that on innumerable occasions Ron Swanson said he intended to punch councilman Jamm in the face, and then he did.
April: Yeah, but who cares? He says a lot of things. He's always talking about overthrowing the government, but he never does that.
Councilman Jamm: Well, that'll make a nice pull quote for the article about me taking you to the cleaners.
Paul: Mr. Swanson, if you'd like to make a statement, you may.
Ron Swanson: On the night I punched councilman Jamm in the face, I warned him several times to back off. And instead, he attacked me twice. Truthfully, I barely registered his attack. He's incredibly frail, and his arms are weak. And when I punched him, he dropped so quickly, I thought he was diving towards the ground. I regret nothing. The end.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Partridge’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.
Quote from Tom
Tom: I don't understand. I was great. I was like Mark Z in The Social "N." My testimony was amazing for your case.
Ron Swanson: But it wasn't the truth. And neither was yours. You even called me a... [whispers] vegetarian. What if that testimony leaks? How will people ever respect me?
April: Ugh, whatever. The truth is stupid. I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I'm lying.
Tom: Yeah, lying is all I know. It's how I was able to scrape by on the streets of Bombay and make it on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and get reunited with the love of my life, Latika.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Andy: Ron, hey, let me be your lawyer. I'll object to everything anyone says, trial will go on forever, you don't have to pay. Problem solved.
Ron Swanson: That's a kind offer, Andrew, but I won't be hiring an attorney. I'll represent myself, as I do in all legal matters and livestock auctions.