Tom Quote #384

Quote from Tom in Ms. Knope Goes to Washington

Donna: Where is Swanson?
Tom: Man, I'm hungry. My legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised.
Jerry: Just sit on the ground.
Tom: No, Jerry. It's dirty, and I'm wearing my summer linens.
Ann: God, you're such a baby. Look, I brought a picnic blanket from your house.
Tom: That's not a picnic blanket. That's a Merino wool throw for my Eames chair!

Rate

 ‘Ms. Knope Goes to Washington’ Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ranger Patrick: Hey, Ron. You're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron Swanson: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Ranger Patrick: This just says, "I can do what I want."
Ron Swanson: I am the director of the Parks Department, and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a Parks thing. It's against, like, three laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Barbecue is postponed until I can go pick up some meat from the Food 'n' Stuff. Let's go, Tom. No, pig Tom. [Donna laughs]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Okay, let's begin the barbecue.
Chris: Oh, hey, little guy. What are you doing? Oh, no.
Ron Swanson: Everyone, meet your meat.
All: No!
Tom: Why are you doing this to us?
Ron Swanson: Well, in my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life. This is your dinner. His name is Tom.
Donna: [laughs] Burn.
Tom: Seriously?
Ron Swanson: I understand that it's hilarious, but that is his given, Christian name. Tom is very smart and incredibly loyal. He's basically a dog. A dog we're going to cook, chew, and swallow.
Ann: Dude, there's kids around here.
Ron Swanson: Good point. Which one of you youngsters wants to help me drain the blood from this animal? If you do a good job, I'll give you the bladder. You can blow it up for a fun play ball.

 Tom Haverford Quotes

Quote from Ron and Tammy

Tom: Okay. I think you should play this one cool, man. Be the grown-up. Take the high road.
Mark: Yeah.
Tom: Ann's a classy chick. If you get down in the mud, you're just gonna lose her respect.
Mark: You've just made a surprising amount of sense, Tom. Thank you.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I've never taken the high road. But I tell other people to. 'Cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Quote from Prom

Ben: All right, let's go over our set list.
Tom: Set list? No need.
Ben: So, what, you're just gonna put your iPod on shuffle?
Tom: No, but I could. You want to know why?
Ben: [sighs] Because every single song you own is a banger?
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: Is it a banger? How many beats per minute? How many drops? How dope are the drops? Were any acoustic instruments used? If so, it is not a banger. I once accidentally downloaded a Lumineers song. I had to throw away my whole computer just to be safe.