Jess Quote #527
Artie: Nick's at a strip club, but he's just being a normal guy in his 20s that wants to hang out with other guys in their 20s.
Jess: They're all in their 30s.
Artie: Hmm.
Jess: Yeah. Enough about Nick. What do you do when you're not making coffee at the coffee shop?
Artie: Well, actually, I own the coffee shop.
Jess: What?
Artie: It's not as glamorous as you may think. It's a lot of spreadsheets and jetting off to Brazil at a moment's notice.
Jess: Nick's never been to Brazil.
Artie: Maybe you should step away. You know, call Nick up and hash things out.
Jess: Hmm-mm, can't call Nick 'cause then he'll know I'm thinking about him.
Artie: Ah.
Jess: And then he wins.
Artie: Maybe you both win.
Jess: Say Brazil again.
Artie: Brazil.
Jess: [chuckles] Say "rubber baby buggy bumpers."
Artie: Rubber babby buggy bumpers.
Jess: Oh, my God!
New Girl Quotes
‘Coach’ Quotes
Quote from Winston
Nick: You want to drunk fight a cop?
Coach: He stole my girlfriend.
Winston: Did you hear the joke about the two black guys and two white guys who walked into a police station? The two white guys came out.
Quote from Coach
Schmidt: Good to have you back, old man. So, what, uh, you and Malia broke up?
Coach: Oh, yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
Jess: I guess her gain is our gain!
Coach: Who are you?
Nick: Hey, come... Come on, man.
Jess: It's me, Jess.
Coach: Ah, yeah, no.
Jess: We lived together for, like, two weeks. We shared some pretty big moments.
[flashback:]
Coach: Yes! We got Bin Laden!
Jess: SEAL Team 6, bitches! [high five] Yeah! [high five] Yeah! [high-five] Yeah!
[present:]
Coach: Huh. I thought I was alone for that.
Jess: You weren't.
Quote from Schmidt
Nick: Let's just get Coach really drunk until he passes out. Then we take him home. Shot contest. Like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm not ripping a page from that pro-Nazi film.
Nick: It isn't pro-Nazi.
Schmidt: Of course it is. It might as well be an SS propaganda movie.
Nick: No, everybody in a Nazi uniform literally dies.
Schmidt: Yeah, the... When she puts the hand into the, uh...
Nick: The heart.
Schmidt: No, not... Well, that happens, too. Nazis.
Nick: I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
Schmidt: They ate the monkey brains, and there was all the bugs. Nazi, Nazi.