Schmidt Quote #599

Quote from Schmidt in Coach

Nick: Let's just get Coach really drunk until he passes out. Then we take him home. Shot contest. Like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm not ripping a page from that pro-Nazi film.
Nick: It isn't pro-Nazi.
Schmidt: Of course it is. It might as well be an SS propaganda movie.
Nick: No, everybody in a Nazi uniform literally dies.
Schmidt: Yeah, the... When she puts the hand into the, uh...
Nick: The heart.
Schmidt: No, not... Well, that happens, too. Nazis.
Nick: I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
Schmidt: They ate the monkey brains, and there was all the bugs. Nazi, Nazi.


 ‘Coach’ Quotes

Quote from Winston

Nick: You want to drunk fight a cop?
Coach: He stole my girlfriend.
Winston: Did you hear the joke about the two black guys and two white guys who walked into a police station? The two white guys came out.

Quote from Coach

Schmidt: Good to have you back, old man. So, what, uh, you and Malia broke up?
Coach: Oh, yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
Jess: I guess her gain is our gain!
Coach: Who are you?
Nick: Hey, come... Come on, man.
Jess: It's me, Jess.
Coach: Ah, yeah, no.
Jess: We lived together for, like, two weeks. We shared some pretty big moments.
Coach: Yes! We got Bin Laden!
Jess: SEAL Team 6, bitches! [high five] Yeah! [high five] Yeah! [high-five] Yeah!
Coach: Huh. I thought I was alone for that.
Jess: You weren't.

Quote from Jess

Cece: Men suck.
Jess: Nick isn't even a man.
Cece: Mm-mm.
Jess: He's like some man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail. I shouldn't have to do that.