Jess Quote #529
Jess: Thanks for the ride, Artie. Bathroom's down the hall. It's the one with the urinals. I do live with men. Nay, boys. [to Cece] Look, if he can pee in Brazil, he can pee at my house.
Cece: Do you actually like this guy?
Jess: What? No, no. Nick couldn't call me his girlfriend, and that hurt. Now I want to hurt him back with some long, hot conversation.
Cece: That's what you really want to do?
Jess: Yes. Men suck, remember?
Cece: I'm sorry about saying that, because I put that on you, all right? That's because I'm going through something right now with Schmidt. You have Nick.
Jess: Nick's a child who drinks on Tuesdays.
Cece: You're drinking on a Tuesday and you are a teacher.
Jess: Oh, those kids are watching a movie tomorrow.
New Girl Quotes
‘Coach’ Quotes
Quote from Winston
Nick: You want to drunk fight a cop?
Coach: He stole my girlfriend.
Winston: Did you hear the joke about the two black guys and two white guys who walked into a police station? The two white guys came out.
Quote from Coach
Schmidt: Good to have you back, old man. So, what, uh, you and Malia broke up?
Coach: Oh, yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
Jess: I guess her gain is our gain!
Coach: Who are you?
Nick: Hey, come... Come on, man.
Jess: It's me, Jess.
Coach: Ah, yeah, no.
Jess: We lived together for, like, two weeks. We shared some pretty big moments.
[flashback:]
Coach: Yes! We got Bin Laden!
Jess: SEAL Team 6, bitches! [high five] Yeah! [high five] Yeah! [high-five] Yeah!
[present:]
Coach: Huh. I thought I was alone for that.
Jess: You weren't.
Quote from Schmidt
Nick: Let's just get Coach really drunk until he passes out. Then we take him home. Shot contest. Like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm not ripping a page from that pro-Nazi film.
Nick: It isn't pro-Nazi.
Schmidt: Of course it is. It might as well be an SS propaganda movie.
Nick: No, everybody in a Nazi uniform literally dies.
Schmidt: Yeah, the... When she puts the hand into the, uh...
Nick: The heart.
Schmidt: No, not... Well, that happens, too. Nazis.
Nick: I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
Schmidt: They ate the monkey brains, and there was all the bugs. Nazi, Nazi.