Jess Quote #691
Quote from Jess in The Last Wedding
Jess: Hey. Ted. Um... [clears throat] I'm out of moves, so... I'm just gonna try being myself. Here's some stuff about me: I've never cured anything. I'm a middle school vice principal and I love my job. Um, I'm just getting out of a relationship with a guy that I still live with, which is kind of complicated. He's over there. What's up, Nick?
Nick: Hi, I'm Nick!
Jess: Sometimes I cry when newscasters wish each other "Happy Birthday" on air. My first crush was on a Batman cake, but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba. 'Cause he was super hot, and I still, actually, find him hot. Uh, truth time. Um... So that's me. And if you want to take me home, Ted, we can definitely do some no-bra stuff.
Kat: Uh... [shows picture] That's me naked.
Jess: Well... ...and this is me with a guy who I thought was Larry King. So it's decision time.
New Girl Quotes
‘The Last Wedding’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: I'm soft like a lady. You won't even know.
Nick: But what if I get a surprise?
Schmidt: "A surprise"?
Nick: What if there's a surprise on me?
Schmidt: There's not gonna be a surprise on you.
Nick: What if I'm fighting the war and boom... there's a surprise!
Schmidt: You go north, I go south. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm in steerage and I'm rowing. And I'm rowing and I'm rowing and the... You're up in the crow's nest. Fre-fresh air up there, man. And I'm in the trenches, you know? I'm digging for coal. I'm breathing in those fumes. And you're up here. You're just taking in the sights. You're spotting dolphins, huh? You're just the handsome prince covered in salty sea spray...
Nick: I don't want you calling me handsome before a potential four-way!
Quote from Jess
Jess: All five of us out there together, in the wild, getting some strange, like a sex fist.
Coach: I'm sorry, what?
Nick: Mm, that's not what you mean.
Schmidt: What's a sex fist, now?
Jess: One, two, three, four, five of us, together, make a fist.
Nick: You're making a mistake right now.
Jess: Schmidt, Nick, Coach, Winston, Jess... sex fist. When you put them all together...
Nick: No, that's not right.
Jess: ...tearing our way through the reception.
Nick: Slow down.
Coach: Are you listening to what you're saying?
Jess: Isn't that sweet? It's a metaphor for togetherness.
Coach: It could just be a fist.
Jess: All five of us sex-fisting our way...
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Come on, Nick. We don't have any other choice. I've found 15 other girls since I've been here. They're all either married or taken or mad at Coach.
Nick: I'm not doing a four-way with you...
Schmidt: It's the last helicopter out of Saigon, my man. Charlie won.
Nick: No, Schmidt.
Schmidt: You won't even know it's me, Nick. Look, at this point, it's all skin and shapes...
Nick: That's-that's what I'm afraid of.
Schmidt: It-it's the fog of war, man. There's so much stuff going on. You're just, you're just here.
Nick: Yeah...
Schmidt: You don't even know what's happening.
Nick: Okay, but I want to know what's happening if it's with sex... I don't want some fog of war on top of me, if it looks like you.
Schmidt: That's the point. The fog of war is something you can't see through.
Nick: Like, the whole thing with the Charlie thing and Vietnam, I don't know who I'm fighting!