Schmidt Quote #754

Quote from Schmidt in The Last Wedding

Schmidt: I'm soft like a lady. You won't even know.
Nick: But what if I get a surprise?
Schmidt: "A surprise"?
Nick: What if there's a surprise on me?
Schmidt: There's not gonna be a surprise on you.
Nick: What if I'm fighting the war and boom... there's a surprise!
Schmidt: You go north, I go south. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm in steerage and I'm rowing. And I'm rowing and I'm rowing and the... You're up in the crow's nest. Fre-fresh air up there, man. And I'm in the trenches, you know? I'm digging for coal. I'm breathing in those fumes. And you're up here. You're just taking in the sights. You're spotting dolphins, huh? You're just the handsome prince covered in salty sea spray...
Nick: I don't want you calling me handsome before a potential four-way!


 ‘The Last Wedding’ Quotes

Quote from Jess

Jess: All five of us out there together, in the wild, getting some strange, like a sex fist.
Coach: I'm sorry, what?
Nick: Mm, that's not what you mean.
Schmidt: What's a sex fist, now?
Jess: One, two, three, four, five of us, together, make a fist.
Nick: You're making a mistake right now.
Jess: Schmidt, Nick, Coach, Winston, Jess... sex fist. When you put them all together...
Nick: No, that's not right.
Jess: ...tearing our way through the reception.
Nick: Slow down.
Coach: Are you listening to what you're saying?
Jess: Isn't that sweet? It's a metaphor for togetherness.
Coach: It could just be a fist.
Jess: All five of us sex-fisting our way...

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Come on, Nick. We don't have any other choice. I've found 15 other girls since I've been here. They're all either married or taken or mad at Coach.
Nick: I'm not doing a four-way with you...
Schmidt: It's the last helicopter out of Saigon, my man. Charlie won.
Nick: No, Schmidt.
Schmidt: You won't even know it's me, Nick. Look, at this point, it's all skin and shapes...
Nick: That's-that's what I'm afraid of.
Schmidt: It-it's the fog of war, man. There's so much stuff going on. You're just, you're just here.
Nick: Yeah...
Schmidt: You don't even know what's happening.
Nick: Okay, but I want to know what's happening if it's with sex... I don't want some fog of war on top of me, if it looks like you.
Schmidt: That's the point. The fog of war is something you can't see through.
Nick: Like, the whole thing with the Charlie thing and Vietnam, I don't know who I'm fighting!

Quote from Jess

Kat: Perfect specimen. Ted is the only eligible guy here, and we are his two best options for procreation.
Jess: Oh.
Kat: I'm not trying to intimidate you, I just want you to know who you're dealing with if we're both gonna compete for this man tonight.
Jess: What?
Kat: Here are the facts: I am technically a genius, I have a photographic memory and I lost my virginity to Malcolm Gladwell.
Jess: Okay...
Kat: Have you ever heard of plutoxic syndrome? That's because I cured it. You're welcome, vaginas everywhere.
Jess: [goofy voice] Oh, thank you very much. I'm sorry, that was... vagina voice, and a... It was a huge mistake.