Schmidt Quote #1

Quote from Schmidt in Pilot

Jess: You know what's funny? When I saw your ad on Craigslist, I thought you were women. [all laugh]
Schmidt: [serious] Why would you think that? That's crazy. I mean, what-
Nick: Schmidt wrote the ad.
Jess: Oh. I guess it was something about the words you used. It was like, uh, like "sun-soaked" and "beigey".
[As Nick and Coach laugh, Schmidt takes off his shirt]
Nick: What are you doing?
Coach: Wow.
Schmidt: What about these? These look beigey to you?


 ‘Pilot’ Quotes

Quote from Nick

Waitress: I'm sorry. We're gonna have to ask you to give up the table.
Jess: Um, can I please just stay, just a little bit longer?
Nick: [rushes in with the guys] We're here. Yup. We're here, Jess! We're here.
Schmidt: We're here for the date, the date thing.
Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah we are. We're her boyfriends. We are reverse Mormons. One man just isn't enough for her.

Quote from Jess

Jess: So, you know in horror movies when the girl's like, "Oh my God, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark", and you're like, "What is your problem? Call the police", and she's like "Okay" but it's too late because she's already getting murdered. Well, uh, my story's kind of like that.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Hello? I came home early.
Spencer: Jess. What-
Jess: Who's Jess? You're talking to...Tiger Boobs. [takes off her coat]
Spencer: Oh...
Jess: [sings] I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.
Spencer: This-
Jess: I'm doing sexy stuff to the plant right here.
Spencer: Woah, okay.
Jess: I'll pick that up later. [sings] Who's that girl? Who's that girl? [spins around naked] It's Jess!