Cece: You know, it's still our bone-iversary.
Schmidt: I'm too stressed. Sex right now would be like picking a lock with a cold, wet French fry.

Gordon Ramsay: So is it just you?
Jess: Yup.
Gordon Ramsay: You know I'm quite famous, and you didn't want anybody else to experience my food?
Jess: No. Just me. Just my day.
Gordon Ramsay: Are you sad 'cause you're on your own on Valentine's night?
Jess: Ugh! Don't you start with me, Gordon Ramsay! I'm having just a great time.
Gordon Ramsay: Liar! Sorry. Bad habit.
Jess: Just bring me the scallops, please.
Gordon Ramsay: Impatient. Mmm. Delicious. Scallops. Aren't... [dish shatters] ...for liars.

Jess: I'm mad that Nick just decided to be a great boyfriend. Where does all this effort come from? Reagan gets Mr. Cupid, and I got, like, some nudie card.
Gordon Ramsay: This bread is incredible. You taste the crust?
Jess: It's really good. And you know what else pisses me off? The fact that everyone thinks I'm sad. I mean, Winston canceled his engagement 'cause of it.
Gordon Ramsay: Then bloody do something about it! [Jess smashes her plate] Brilliant! Uh, just a reminder: I'm not required to clean up.
Jess: Winston can't throw away his dreams because of me!
Gordon Ramsay: Then don't let him.

Schmidt: How long have we been waiting for this elevator? What, are we in the lobby of Sterling Cooper?

Winston: Aly's not big on V-Day.
Jess: What?
Winston: Yeah. She says it makes her want to eat and successfully pass a nail. Yeah. I love her so much.
Jess: And aren't you gonna propose to her?
Winston: Yeah, I am, in due time. But right now, I'm only on phase six of my 21-step proposal plan. I'm months away. And in case you were wondering if I'm under budget, I am not. By thousands of dollars.

Nick: Hey, is there anything in there from Reagan? She's in Minnesota, and we're exchanging gifts.
Jess: Gonna do the old stand-by, like when we were dating?
[flashback:]
Jess: A nudie card with a $20 stapled to it?
Nick: I did so good.
[present:]
Nick: No, no, no, I'm-I'm putting a real effort this year. I feel five feet tall.
Schmidt: You're more than five feet right now.
Nick: I feel smaller because I'm humbled. I'm humbled by my actions of tenderness.

Schmidt: Can't believe that we're not spending Valentine's Day together.
Cece: I know. It sucks.
Schmidt: The first year that I haven't planned our bone-iversary.
Cece: I think I'd prefer to call it the anniversary of the first night we made love.
Schmidt: Either way, it's our first one as a married couple. You know, we miss this, the next thing you know, we're making love once a year next to a Thomas Kinkade painting after a hot dog dinner.

Jess: You said no?
Winston: I have a proposal plan, okay? A plan. You know what, and I would not be in this mess if it wasn't for you convincing me to do Valentine's Day in the first place! I'm sorry, I'm just-- You know what, I'll just find her at work, okay? And I'll-I'll tell her yes then. I'm used to compromising my dreams.
Jess: No, Winston, you deserve an amazing engagement. You're America's sweetheart, and you have to give Aly the proposal she deserves. And you have to do it today, 'cause she's probably freaking out right now.
Winston: It's a 21-step plan. I can't do it in one night.
Jess: You can't, but we can.
Winston: Jess, I can't make you do that. I mean, you had a whole day planned. I mean, it's a day I maintain was rooted in sadness.
Jess: You say I'm sad one more time, and I'm gonna take you to San Francisco, and we're gonna eat a little sourdough, maybe a little crab, and then I'm gonna throw you off the Golden Gate Bridge! Do you understand?
Winston: Yes, ma'am.
Jess: Now, you go tell that son of a bitch cat of yours that he's gonna get a new mommy, 'cause we're gonna propose tonight!

Jess: Yeah. Uh, okay, Malibu cactus picnic. Did that. Erotic skywriting. That's a cut.
Winston: Mm. See, I'm not sure if you understood...
Jess: I know what erotic skywriting is.
Winston: It's in the sky.
Jess: Special performance by the L.A. Children's Choir?
Winston: They're gonna come out all cute and small, singing "Alison."
Jess: We're cutting.
Winston: Huh?
Jess: Okay, we can't get your ring in Atlanta.
Winston: It's the most affordable big city in America, so...
Jess: Well, I have a local ring guy, so it's Cut-lanta.

Jess: Operation Bobcat? Let's call that "Operation Cut Cat."
Winston: No, no, no, no.
Jess: Oh, I should have said "Bob Cut." Next time.
Winston: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Move your hand. Don't rip that. When Aly and I were first partners, we got
called to break up a drug deal in a bus station bathroom. When we got there, wasn't nobody in there. Just a bobcat. Like, a bobcat running around. I shrieked. Of course, I was afraid for my life. But Aly-- she, she just laughed. [chuckles] Laughed and laughed and laughed. And, you know, it was that moment that made me realize I wanted to make her laugh for the rest of her life. And so, the plan was to recreate that moment. So...
Jess: You already have a bobcat costume, don't you?
Winston: I'm an oddball romantic.
Jess: You bought a bobcat costume before you got a ring? You really toe the line between sweetness and insanity.
Winston: That's the whole thing.