‘Five Stars for Beezus’
Season 6, Episode 22 - Aired April 4, 2017
Jess returns to Los Angeles with a plan to tell Nick how she feels about him. Nick meets a publisher who is interested in the Pepperwood Chronicles. Aly gives Winston a phone number for his dad.
Quote from Jess
Schmidt: [on the phone] Is that true? What's going on?
Jess: [takes phone] Hey, Schmidt. It's Jess. I'm so sorry. I picked up Cece's phone, it was Sadie, and she told me the news, and now everybody knows but Cece. So I'm gonna send her home.
Schmidt: Okay, okay, but Jess, um... Plea... [sighs] Is it true?
Jess: Yeah. It's true. Just get home. She needs to hear it from you.
Quote from Winston
Cece: Miracle of miracles! Finally got a parking spot. Why y'all just staring at me?
Aly: Just really happy you found that spot.
Winston: Man, people wait their whole lives looking for a spot.
Cece: Thank you.
Aly: And here, you've been blessed.
Winston: With a spot.
Quote from Nick
Merle Streep: Okay, so I do have a few changes. Take or leave. What if we kill off Jessica Night in the next book?
Nick: What?
Merle Streep: I was thinking that she could be Schmith's next victim. We could do it in a big way, like, he drops a piano on her head. [blows raspberry] Done-zo.
Nick: What?
Merle Streep: Maybe she takes a baseball right to the face. Batter out!
Nick: Have you ever done this before?
Merle Streep: Yes, actually. I published the entire Bitch Witch series. Bitch Witch Christmas, Bitch Witch Prom Night, and Bitch Witches of Rhode Island.
Nick: Yeah. Okay.
Merle Streep: Look, Nick, I-I get that you're afraid to make changes.
Nick: Actually, I'm not afraid.
Merle Streep: Okay, then you'll think about it.
Nick: [chuckles softly] No, I'm not gonna make those changes because those-those ideas are really bad. Jessica Night is the whole reason Pepperwood gets out of bed every day.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Schmidt?! You were right! Schmidt?
Receptionist: Uh, he had to go, but he left the name and number of his favorite Uber driver, uh, Beezus "The Man" Tequito.
Quote from Nick
Beezus: [o.s.] Don't forget to give me five stars!
Nick: Three and a half! Thanks, Beezus!
Quote from Aly
Aly: I think I'd be really happy working as a mover. I like the gloves, like the excitement. Sit back and watch the job get done.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Can anyone help me get in the building?! Hey, dog! Can you bark for someone? Bark, dog! Bark! [imitates dog barking] Ah! Screw you. Can anyone help me get in the building?! I gave away my key! Anyone?
Nick: Jess! Hang on, I'm coming down!
Quote from Nick
Nick: Oh, come on, please go faster. I got to tell my best friend I'm in love with her.
Delivery Guy: Take a shower first. I never seen anyone sweat so much.
Nick: You take a shower! You smell terrible!
Delivery Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nick: You smell terrible!
Jess: [chuckles] Hey, Miller.
Nick: Hey.