Lieutenant Disher: Maybe we're looking at this all wrong. Maybe he killed her in his apartment, and then he somehow moved the body back to her house.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. What about the 911 call? She made it from the house.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. What about liposuction?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Lieutenant Disher: Liposuction. Yeah. He lipo'd himself down to, like, I don't know, like, 400 pounds. Down the elevator, crossed town, killed the judge.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, how did he gain all the weight back?
Lieutenant Disher: Reverse liposuction.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. He just pumped it all back in.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You think that's possible?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. Should I call a doctor?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Let's keep our reverse liposuction theory to ourselves.

Benjy: Okay, who do you want to be? Yellow, green, red or blue?
Adrian Monk: Oh, boy. Okay, um... Okay. Oh, boy.
Sharona: Honey, remember we talked about how Mr. Monk has trouble making decisions?
Benjy: Oh, yeah. Okay, you'll be Colonel Mustard.
Adrian Monk: Good.
Benjy: Now, you remember how to play? You write down all the clues on your pad.
Adrian Monk: I'm ready to guess.
Sharona: Adrian, you have to play the game. You have to go around the board from room to room collecting clues.
Adrian Monk: I know who did it.
Sharona: We haven't started yet. Come on.
Adrian Monk: It was Professor Plum in the dining room with a rope.
Benjy: He's right.
Adrian Monk: We played this game last year. I remember what cards everybody was holding and how they were put away. And then, just now, I was watching how Benjy shuffled...

Sharona: [answers phone] Hello? Oh, hey, Captain. Yeah, he's right here. [to Monk] Stottlemeyer. [on the phone] Oh, well, actually, uh, we were just finishing up a pretty big case. It was this nasty homicide, um... This woman was found murdered in her dining room with a rope. Yeah. Hold on, let me check our schedule. [to Monk] It's a job.

Sharona: That's it. That- That is the last time I ever play a game with you, Adrian. You are just no fun.
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Sharona: I mean, don't you ever wonder why you never get invited anywhere?
Adrian Monk: No, not really.
Sharona: Well, this is why.
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Benjy: I think it's awesome. Mom, can I bring him to school, please? Like for show and tell?
Sharona: You can take him every day.

Adrian Monk: And what's all this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: These are rocks from the garden. Killer left them like this.
Lieutenant Disher: It's a message. He's toying with us. Some sort of code, but I haven't been able to figure it out yet.
Adrian Monk: You think the killer stopped here in plain view of the neighbors, went rooting around in the garden, collected a few rocks and then arranged them carefully on the grass?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you think?
Adrian Monk: I think he was looking for a hide-a-key.
Sharona: I found it.

Lieutenant Disher: She still has her license, right? I mean, Biederbeck needs a nurse. The other one just quit.
Adrian Monk: No. Absolutely not. I forbid it. Sharona, she's not a police officer.
Sharona: Well, neither are you.
Adrian Monk: What?
Sharona: What, you don't think I can handle this?
Adrian Monk: What are you talking... Forget this. I know Biederbeck, you don't. He's dangerous. This man is capable of anything.
Sharona: He weighs 804 pounds. What is he gonna do, break wind on me?
Adrian Monk: Let me explain the arrangement here. I'm the employer. You work for me. I get to say what goes, and I say no.

Sharona: Uh, which one of you is Sue Ellen? Hi. My name is Sharona, and this is my friend Mr. Monk. He just wants to ask you a couple of questions about what you saw the night that the judge was, um...
Sue Ellen: Brutally slain.
Sharona: Yeah. That's right.
Girl: Is he a policeman?
Sharona: He was.
Sue Ellen: What happened?
Adrian Monk: I had a breakdown. I was nearly catatonic for about three and a half years.

Sharona: Adrian, can I ask you something? And if it's none of my business, I promise I'll shut up.
Adrian Monk: I doubt it.
Sharona: What did Trudy mean by bread and butter?
Adrian Monk: Whenever Trudy and I were walking somewhere, we'd hold hands. If there was a lamppost or somebody walked between us, and we had to let go for a second, she'd always say "bread and butter." So when she died? Yeah, I think it was a message for me. She was saying, "I have to let go now for a little while but it won't be forever."

Sharona: See, isn't this fun? Now, Adrian, this is what normal people do on a Sunday morning. [to Benjy] Get up. [to Monk] They hang out, relax, eat brunch. They don't stay at home vacuuming their rug 40 times.
Benjy: Mom, we're not exactly normal.
Sharona: We are compared to some people.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk. Glad you're here. Miss Fleming.
Sharona: "Glad you're here?" God, you must really be desperate. Usually the mayor's office has to shove us down your throats.