Natalie: Apologize.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'm sorry.
Natalie: Not to me. To the guy.
Adrian Monk: What for?
Natalie: You called him stupid!
Adrian Monk: Well...
Natalie: You can't say things like that, Mr. Monk. He's a human being. He has feelings. Do you have no empathy at all for other people? Put yourself in his place. [Boom Boom walks up behind them] You know, imagine being him.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'm him. Oh, God, I got to go take a shower and finish high school.
Natalie: Sorry.
Boom Boom: Yeah, me too. We don't accept checks.

Adrian Monk: Okay, look, all I'm asking is this: did anyone else see anything last night?
Sheriff Fletcher: No, sir. Nothing was reported. You know, the weather out here can be a little bit tricky. Occasionally we get something called dry lightening.
Adrian Monk: No, this wasn't lightening. It was a vehicle. It was a flying thing.
Sheriff Fletcher: Okay. Where are you staying?
Adrian Monk: Oh, we're at the Sleep Inn out on Route 4.
Sheriff Fletcher: Okay, well, I will call you if I hear anything. Thank you so much for stopping by.
Adrian Monk: Okay, can I just say one thing here? Okay, I am not one of those, you know, nuts. I'm a former detective. I work for the San Francisco police quite a bit. In fact, you can call them.
Sheriff Fletcher: That won't be necessary. I believe you saw what you saw. Let me show you something, Mr. Monk. These are the cases that I have pending. I've got a rabid raccoon on the loose. And I've got teenagers knocking over some mailboxes. And now I've got Dolly who thinks that her neighbor's gone missing. And this is a busy week for me. To tell you the truth, I kind of hope you're right. I mean, a Martian invasion would be quite a nice change of pace around here.

Natalie: While I was at the library, I did some research on U- You know.
Adrian Monk: UFOS.
Natalie: Right. And they said it's usually swamp gas.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, you could be right. Except we're 3,000 miles from the nearest swamp. I think I was just tired and seeing things.
Natalie: Yeah, that's what I think.

Dickie: Mr. Monk, Ms. Teeger. I got your message about your staying another night.
Natalie: Yeah, is that okay?
Dickie: Sure, no problem. Stay as long as you want. It's nice to have the company. The truth is, it's been pretty quiet. Is there a problem with your room? I couldn't help noticing all your cleaning supplies.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no, no. It's fine. The hotel's great. This is just a hobby.
Natalie: He only bought one bag. That's like giving you a gold star.
Adrian Monk: Natalie. Natalie! Natalie. Are you seeing that?
Dickie: Cheese and crackers.
Adrian Monk: You see that? Are you nodding?
Natalie: Yeah, I am.

Adrian Monk: Who are they?
Natalie: It's the internet, Mr. Monk. News like this travels fast.
Adrian Monk: Ah, the internet people.

Business Woman: Hi. Is this the lobby?
Natalie: It's right over there.
Business Woman: What's going on here? Is there a loser convention in town?
Natalie: Somebody saw a flying saucer.
Business Woman: A flying saucer?
Adrian Monk: I know.
Business Woman: The image I saw was clearly a class four intergalactic doom freighter. Flying saucer? They're coming for the oxygen. [puts on mask] Have the negotiations started yet?
Natalie: Uh, we haven't heard. I'm gonna call the garage, see if the car's ready.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, dial fast. Dial like the wind.

Male UFO Enthusiast: Excuse me. The hotel clerk said that you were the alpha contact.
Adrian Monk: The alpha contact?
Male UFO Enthusiast: The first to see them.
Female UFO Enthusiast: Did the saucer make any noise? Were the lights blinking? And was it like a random blinking, or was it more rhythmic?
Body Suit Man: Were you probed?
Adrian Monk: Uh, no, no, no.
Male UFO Enthusiast: Are you sure? Sometimes they probe you and give you an amnesia pill.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'd remember.
Female UFO Enthusiast: Sometimes they give you a frontal lobotomy.
Adrian Monk: I'd still remember. Natalie!

Natalie: So, what do you think?
Adrian Monk: I can't think. All these internet people.
Man: We're going to fan out and look for the rest of the fleet.
Adrian Monk: Great idea. Fan out. Fan way out. Way, way, way, way out.

Natalie: Another day?
Boom Boom: It's my distributor. He sent me the wrong part. I guess he's even more stupid than I am.
Natalie: Here's the thing, Bobo.
Boom Boom: It's Boom Boom.
Natalie: Boom Boom. Sorry. We really have to get back home, so we could pay extra if there's any way we could expedite things...
Boom Boom: Well, let's see. We'll give him a call. [holds a hammer to his face] It's ringing. It's your old pal, Boom Boom.
Adrian Monk: Okay, listen, Boom Boom. About yesterday, I'm sorry I said you were stupid out loud.
Boom Boom: You're not sorry you thought it, you're just sorry you said it?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm not gonna apologize for thinking.
Natalie: Just don't say anything else!

Adrian Monk: Where did they find her?
Sheriff Fletcher: A couple of those UFO aficionados found her in the foothills about five miles west. Just lucky break. They were all out there looking for ET. She could've been out there forever.
Dr. Garcia: I figure she was hiking along the ridge, fell somehow, hit her head, and died instantly. And then the coyotes must've dragged the body about a mile, maybe two, into the desert.
Sheriff Fletcher: Dr. Garcia's written "accidental death" on the certificate, but I asked him to write it in pencil. I wanted to get a second opinion.
Adrian Monk: Why?
Sheriff Fletcher: It's a very small town, Mr. Monk. And Marge Larkin was as close as we have to an important person. So, like I said, I wanted to get this right.