Sharona: Adrian, I'm gonna visit you all the time.
Adrian Monk: When are you going?
Sharona: Friday.
Adrian Monk: Friday? This Friday? Just like that. You're just leaving me in the lurch.
Sharona: You're not in the lurch.
Adrian Monk: I'm in the lurch! This is the lurch! I can feel it!

Adrian Monk: Well, first off I'd like to thank United States postal worker Tamil Swarma for helping us out here today.
Tamil Swarma: We're glad to help our brothers and sister in the law enforcement community. We just wear a different shade of blue, that's all.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah! [claps] Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Brian Babbage wanted to kill his brother and sister. He found a way to mail a bomb in May but not have it be delivered until August. It was quite brilliant, really.
Tamil Swarma: Yes, it was. Although by doing so, he violated two federal laws, and a score of postal regulations. Go on.
Adrian Monk: When I recently saw some wallpaper peeling off a wall it reminded me of the ketchup bottles in Brian Babbage's closet. They were glued to the ceiling. The glue was the key.
Agent Grooms: There was no glue in the bomb.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It wasn't part of the bomb. It was part of the delivery mechanism.
Adrian Monk & Tamil Swarma: Exactly!
Adrian Monk: It was an experiment. A stress test. The ketchup bottles weighed about the same as the mail bombs. He was trying to find out how long they would stick before they fell off.
Agent Grooms: I don't get it.
Adrian Monk: Tamil. Four months ago, Brian Babbage went around the city late at night. Cracked open the panel on a couple of these mailboxes.
Tamil Swarma: These locks are pretty simple to pick I've talked to my supervisors, but they don't listen.
Adrian Monk: Tamil.
Tamil Swarma: Don't make waves, you know? Everybody just wants to hit their 20 and get out.
Adrian Monk: I can take it from here. Brian put the bombs in the mailboxes, but he didn't put them on the bottom with the rest of the mail. He glued them to the top. You see, it's a blind spot. Nobody ever looks up there. Why would they? Four months later, the glue dries up, the bomb falls down, and the next day, the mailman picks it up with the rest of the mail.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was like a time-released mail bomb.
Tamil Swarma: The U.S. Post Office unwittingly became the messenger of evil. Who'd have thunk it?
Adrian Monk: Well put, Tamil.

Sharona: Hey! Thought you might be here. How ya doin'?
Adrian Monk: I'm good. I'm great. I'm living a dream. Where's Trevor?
Sharona: Went home.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry. I missed you.
Sharona: I missed you too. God, I really did. Maybe I should see a shrink, too.
Adrian Monk: Stick around. Dr. Kroger will be here any minute.

Adrian Monk: [shakes present] It's a jigsaw puzzle.
Benjy: Is he right? [a boy nods] How many pieces?
Adrian Monk: 700?
Benjy: Didn't I tell you?
Sharona: But Benjy, Mr. Monk isn't a toy.
Benjy: Sure he is.

Adrian Monk: Okay, how about an automatic card shuffler? Says "Fun for all ages." I know he enjoys having fun. He mentioned that once.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I can see that you're anxious about this, but the important thing to remember is that Benjy loves you, so whatever you get for him, Benjy will love.
Adrian Monk: He didn't love the pajamas I bought him last year. I saw it on his face. The... The disappointment. I- I hate that look. I- I never want to see that look again.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, why don't you just ask Sharona what he would like?
Adrian Monk: She said to pick out the gift myself, so it would really come from me.

Sharona: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant Disher: Sharona, Monk.
Sharona: Is that a new tie?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. It's a gift from my girlfriend.
Sharona: She has very good taste. In ties, not in men.
Lieutenant Disher: Ooh, do I detect a hint of jealousy?
Sharona: If you do, it's the only detecting you've ever done.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk, old buddy, old pal, old chum.
Sharona: "Old buddy"? What have you done with the real Captain Stottlemeyer?

Lieutenant Disher: The feds are here?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, up the wazoo. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. They're in charge, and they're not shy about saying so. Monk. If you can make me look good here, I would really appreciate it. I'd love to show these bastards up. Wouldn't hurt our careers either.

Agent Grooms: Who the hell is that? Marion the Librarian?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's Adrian Monk. He's consulting with us.
Agent Grooms: But he's not consulting with us.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Agent Grooms, you said you'd keep us local bumpkins in the loop. Give my man a couple of minutes, okay?

Adrian Monk: Who's "Marion"?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You are. "Marion the Librarian."
Adrian Monk: So it's like a put-down.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yup. It's a derogatory remark, Monk.