Kevin Dorfman: Presentation B-minus. Energy A-minus. Execution, let's be honest, D-plus. D-minus. But don't let it get you down. You gotta just focus. [door opens] What are you doin' here?

Lieutenant Disher: Okay. [clears throat] He was, asphyxiated. Strangled.
Natalie: Oh, no.
Lieutenant Disher: Probably from behind. The killer used a ligature, something thing and strong. Probably piano wire.
Adrian Monk: Can I see it?
Lieutenant Disher: We haven't found it yet. Or he took it with him. We don't know.
Adrian Monk: The killer, it's a magician.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that?
Adrian Monk: Black paint. They paint their wires so they can't be seen.
Lieutenant Disher: Magician. That's good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You were the first one back here. Did you see anybody?
Adrian Monk: Uh-uh. No. Well, there was a maintenance man. Maybe he saw something.
Stage Manager: The maintenance crew doesn't work on Saturdays.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. I saw him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You saw him.
Adrian Monk: I saw the guy.

Adrian Monk: You worked with Kevin, didn't you?
Karl Torini: Well, I didn't really know him. I'm a featured performer. He was usually in the back room, crunching numbers.
Adrian Monk: He was filling in for you on Saturday night, wasn't he?
Karl Torini: Oh, yes. That's right. It was a last-minute thing. I took Tanya to Reno.
Tanya Adams: We got engaged.
Adrian Monk: Oh, congratulations.
Natalie: You're not wearing a ring.
Tanya Adams: I know. You know, it just happened so fast.
Karl Torini: As you can imagine, after what happened, we were so distraught that suddenly a ring just didn't seem so important.
Adrian Monk: Of course.
Karl Torini: Well, if you'll excuse us, we'd like to pay our respects. Good luck, Mr. Monk. [both walk away]
Adrian Monk: He's the guy.
Natalie: Because of the ring?
Adrian Monk: Because he's the guy. I saw him. I recognize him. He was there.

Adrian Monk: The night Kevin was killed, you were in the theater. I saw you backstage.
Karl Torini: What? Really?
Adrian Monk: You were dressed as a maintenance man, weren't you?
Karl Torini: Either you're mistaken. Or you're bluffing. I was 300 miles away. And I can prove it.
Natalie: All right, why did you have Kevin work for you that night?
Karl Torini: Well, as I explained to the police, I was leaving town, I needed someone to fill in, I'd seen Kevin before and I thought he was... quite wonderful.
Natalie: Ha.
Adrian Monk: Okay, you know we saw Kevin's act. He was dreadful. God rest his soul.

Karl Torini: Dorfman, what are you doing here? This is a closed rehearsal.
Kevin Dorfman: Right. Sorry. I'm not looking. I can't see anything. Well, I can see my feet, actually. I hope that's all right. I am looking at them.

Kevin Dorfman: Oh my! That is fantastic. You are really the great Torini. And I haven't even met the other Torinis. I don't even know if they're halfway decent Torinis. You know, it's funny. I'm thinking about doing something similar in my own act. As you know, I'm a magician as well.
Karl Torini: Yes, Kevin, I've seen your act on amateur night.
Kevin Dorfman: Well, I'm not In your league, of course. Not yet, anyway. Here's the trick. I use a cat. Little Persian kitten. Hold it out like this. Cover it with a handkerchief. Abraca-Dorfman. It's a butterfly.

Karl Torini: Kevin, I'm very busy here.
Kevin Dorfman: I realize that. Little problem. I've been looking at your receipts from your last world tour. Let me show you this. These are your airline receipts. Your equipment, according to these, weighed more on the way back than on the way there.
Karl Torini: Really?
Kevin Dorfman: Yeah. I checked the records. Same thing happened last year and the year before that. The airlines are ripping you off. I say we get a lawyer, and I say we use the S.O.B.s. You and me. Let's get 'em.
Karl Torini: Yes! Well... Good work, Kevin, as always.
Kevin Dorfman: Thank you.
Karl Torini: Here's what we're gonna do. Close the book. Go ahead, close it. All right. I want you to forget about it. Put it out of your mind. We'll take care of this next week.

Adrian Monk: Kevin, I'm just curious. How did you- How did you get the job?
Kevin Dorfman: It's an interesting story, actually. I have a- I have a friend at the, at the Castle. And... Karl Torini. He's more of a mentor, really, but a friend. We were chattin' it up yesterday, as friends do, about a lot of things, but mostly travel. And I was pointing out to him that he is getting overcharged.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah?
Kevin Dorfman: The airlines have been overcharging him for years! How can his equipment weigh more on his return trips than when he left? Anyway, to make a long- Okay, one second. To make a long story short.
Adrian Monk: It's a little late for that.
Kevin Dorfman: He had to go to Reno and, uh, kinda asked me to fill in for him.

Kevin Dorfman: Mr. Torini, it's Kevin Dorfman. From back- Fom back stage here. I just wanted to let you know I am dedicating my show to you and Tanya.
Karl Torini: [over speakerphone] Oh, Kevin, that's the icing on the cake.
Kevin Dorfman: This is for you, guys.

Natalie: What did you think?
Adrian Monk: Give me a minute. I'm still absorbing it.
Natalie: You know, I didn't think it was that bad.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, there are three dead doves on that stage.