Sharona: Forget about the damn stove, okay? You are on a job here. You're a private consultant.
Adrian Monk: I know, but I smelled it and I think...
Sharona: You gotta shut up. The department thinks you're nuts. You're never gonna get reinstated, you're never gonna get hired again, and we are both gonna be unemployed. Do you understand the importance of what I am saying? [Adrian nods] Now, pull your twisted self together, concentrate and be brilliant. You're brilliant.

Adrian Monk: Mrs. St. Claire, a couple of questions.
Miranda St. Claire: Let me ask you a question. How can you investigate anything? I'm told you're "germophobic," afraid of the dark, heights, crowds and milk.
Sharona: We're working on the milk. He's making good progress on milk.

Adrian Monk: [staring at abstract painting] What is this?
Jesse Goodman: What?
Adrian Monk: It's me, isn't it?
Jesse Goodman: Look, I don't have time for this, all right? This meeting is over.
Sharona: He's gone.
Adrian Monk: It's me, isn't it?
Sharona: [answers phone] Hello?
Adrian Monk: Isn't it? It's me.

Female Officer: What's he doing?
Sharona: I love this part. He does this Zen, Sherlock Holmes thing.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, make me happy.
Lieutenant Disher: We found it wedged under the passenger seat, uh, in his hat. Third name from...
Captain Stottlemeyer: I see it, I see it.
Lieutenant Disher: She was a parttime volunteer. She quit two months ago. That's why her name didn't come up. So Monk was right. There is a connection.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How does he do it? I mean, I have two eyes. I see everything that he sees, but I don't see what he sees.

Adrian Monk: That was our song.
Sharona: I'm sure she heard you.
Adrian Monk: I don't see how. She's been dead for four years. Welcome back.
Sharona: Well, don't pretend you're surprised. You know, you were right about the cases being connected. Nicole Vasques did volunteer work for the St. Claire campaign. How does it feel, always being right?
Adrian Monk: Terrible.

Adrian Monk: You should've seen me. I'm telling you. I had the moves. No, I was diving, I was running, I was diving out of the way.
Sharona: That's great, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: Don't you get it? It means we're getting close. We're making somebody nervous.
Sharona: I just can't picture you outrunning a car.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't even running my fastest.
Sharona: Why not?
Adrian Monk: You know.
Sharona: Were you touching all the poles again?
Adrian Monk: I always touch the poles. Yeah.

Adrian Monk: I see you've been out of town.
Jesse Goodman: Upstate. My family has a cabin on Rockaway Lake. I needed some time to clear my thoughts. It's been a hell of a week.
Adrian Monk: Mr. Goodman, I'm sure of two things. One... [touches lamp]
Sharona: Adrian.
Adrian Monk: One, your cabin is quite lovely. And, two, you were nowhere near it.
Jesse Goodman: What?
Adrian Monk: Your wristwatch. It's set two hours ahead to central time. You haven't been north, you've been east. Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not, you were in Chicago.

Benjy: [opens door] Hello?
Sheldon Burger: Are you Benjy?
Benjy: Yeah. Who are you?
Sheldon Burger: I'm Sheldon Burger, Deputy Mayor. Hey, you like skateboarding?
Benjy: Mom, something happened to Monk!

Captain Stottlemeyer: Now, you just stay out of my way, and we'll be fine.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. And I'm sure you and Karen will work things out.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What did you say?
Adrian Monk: You and your wife you're having some problems.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you talking about? Karen and I are fine. We're 100%.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. My mistake. Um, never been happier to be wrong.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk, come here. How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: You missed a spot shaving. Karen would have caught that. And your necktie, she always ties it for you. She used that double slipknot. Conclusion you dressed yourself. And, uh, the Ramada Inn cup. Send her some roses maybe.
Captain Stottlemeyer: When we get in there, you don't say anything.