Adrian Monk: No, my mother was a wonderful cook. I can still remember coming downstairs. The aroma from the kitchen would just fill the... Is that a new watch?
Dr. Kroger: Oh, yeah, it is. It was actually a gift.
Adrian Monk: From your wife? It's not your anniversary.
Dr. Kroger: No, no, it's not from my wife. It's... not from my wife.
Adrian Monk: It's from a patient?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, please, um... So we were talking about your mother.
Adrian Monk: Harold?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's not important. Now, you were talking about your mother.
Adrian Monk: So what, he just gives you gifts? I didn't know patients were allowed to do that. I'd be glad to give you something.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's really not necessary.
Adrian Monk: I've thought about it. I've thought about it. A lot. I have. I mean, I I wouldn't even be wherever it is I am without you, Dr. Kroger. I mean, I'm grateful.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I'm very grateful.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian. Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I wish I could think of-
Dr. Kroger: Adrian. Don't buy me anything. It's really not appropriate and it's very important, to me that you understand this. Okay?
Adrian Monk: So what are you, about a 42 regular?

Troy Kroger: It's a map.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I can see that.
Natalie: And your English teacher drew this?
Troy Kroger: Yeah, we're all in the same class together. And we're reading Treasure Island.
Ridley: It's about pirates. I think it was written by a pirate.
Pez: Yeah.
Troy Kroger: Totally.
Natalie: No, Robert Louis Stevenson. Not a pirate.

Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't say no. It's Dr. Kroger's kid. The Doctor's always been there for me. Three times a week. Weekends. Holidays. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to pay him back.

Ridley: Elle Decor?
Natalie: It's a home magazine. You wouldn't be into it.
Ridley: I could be. I'm into lots of stuff. I got a corn snake who eats mice.
Natalie: I'm old enough to be your mother.
Ridley: But you're not.

Troy Kroger: Hey, hey, guys. Over here. Check this out, we totally got something. Mr. M.?
Adrian Monk: Okay. I don't think this is "Route 44" because it's going north to south, and highways with even numbers always go east to west. I think it's a mile marker.
Troy Kroger: Didn't I tell you? He's a genius. Well, look, this is the reservoir, right? So that means this is Old Lake Road, mile marker 44.

CSI Tech: We had two bad guys in the bank.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Guard shot one of them.
CSI Tech: Wasn't this guy. This is your basic, no-frills heart attack. Guess that's one way to catch a crook.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'll take it.
CSI Tech: Where's the money?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's a good question. Here's another one. Where's his partner? Here's another one.
Who is he?
CSI Tech: So far, he's John Doe. No wallet. No cell phone. Somebody picked him clean. Probably his pal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe. Maybe some kids.
CSI Tech: Kids?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Skateboarders. They were here earlier today. We got a ramp. We got skid marks. And we've got a scratch. It's fresh. I'd say three, maybe four hours.

Troy Kroger: So my dad talks about me in the sessions?
Adrian Monk: Sometimes.
Troy Kroger: What does he say?
Adrian Monk: Well, he's worried about you. He doesn't know why you're so angry.
Troy Kroger: He wouldn't. He's impossible. Have you ever tried talking to him?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I have. Three times a week.
Troy Kroger: No, you're paying him. He has to talk to you. With me, it's like he doesn't even try. He just regurgitates that psychobabble crap he learned in college. Wanna hear something funny?
Adrian Monk: No.
Troy Kroger: When I was a kid, guess what I wanted to be. A shrink like my old man.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you will.
Troy Kroger: Yeah, or maybe I won't have to work at all. Anyway, next time you're in session, tell him I said hi.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that, number three?
Lieutenant Disher: It's four. Used to pay $3.50 for these.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you're still single. Go figure.
Lieutenant Disher: At some point, I'm gonna need a bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No kidding.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you recognize him?
Steven Connelly: No. No, was he one of them?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You tell us. You got the best look at them.
Steven Connelly: Uh, I was pretty busy opening the safe. Getting beat up. Besides, they were wearing masks.
Lieutenant Disher: [sighs] I think that's it.
Steven Connelly: Was he the one that was shot?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. No, he died of a heart attack. We found him in a parking lot in Pacific Heights.
Steven Connelly: I'm sorry I can't help you.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, I think that's it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Can you think of anything else? [Disher sighs]
Steven Connelly: Uh...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Anything at all? [Disher whimpers] Okay, if you do, please give me a call.
Steven Connelly: Absolutely.
Lieutenant Disher: I have a question. Where's your bathroom?
Steven Connelly: It's in the lobby, but it's out of order.
Lieutenant Disher: Do you have another one for executives?
Steven Connelly: No, we've been using the one in the deli around the block. No further questions. Captain, I'll meet you out front. [runs out]

Dr. Kroger: Boy, you're in a good mood.
Adrian Monk: Oh, just finished a big case.
Dr. Kroger: Well, then, it must have gone well.
Adrian Monk: You could say that.
Dr. Kroger: Oh, it sounds interesting.
Adrian Monk: Wasn't a big case. But in same ways, it was the most important case of my career.
Dr. Kroger: Well, I am intrigued.
Adrian Monk: I'll bet you are.
Dr. Kroger: Well, what was it? What, for the city?
Adrian Monk: No. It was a private client. It was a chance to help a friend of mine, a very dear friend.
Dr. Kroger: Oh, I'm sure he appreciates it.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] He doesn't even know about it. And I'm not gonna tell him. I don't want him to feel indebted.
Dr. Kroger: See, now that is the purest form of charity. You know, to help someone and not take any credit.