Modern Family - Jay Quote #1022
Jay: You're skipping out on ClosetCon?
Claire: Who told you that?
Jay: Ben. That little weasel told me everything. Listen, I can tolerate shutting down the blinds, even Rod Bushmill, but not showing up for ClosetCon, you're asking not to be taken seriously. My God, Claire! We're one strong season away from being invited to Expo Internationale Du Closets!
Features in the collection: Closets Closets Closets Closets.
Quote from Phil
Gloria: That's Auntie Alice's new sauce! She stole my recipe! I know. I am the crazy Colombian that always loses her temper and needs to be calmed down by the white people.
Phil: No! I don't think you're being crazy enough. I'm not a violent man, but I know how nuts it can make you to create something special only to have it stolen from you. Do you remember a hit song called "Happy?"
Gloria: Yeah, it was like a couple of years ago with the clapping and the hat.
Phil: A couple of years ago, huh? So a full four years after this burst on the scene.
Phil: [on video] Because I'm snappy Snap with me if you think that today is a good day That's right, I'm snappy Snap with me if you took a test and you go-o-t an A You see, I'm snappy...
Phil: Sounds just a little similar, right?
Gloria: A little, but-
Phil: Thank you!
Gloria: But do you think that he saw this?
Phil: Um, it had 27 views. Come on. We're going down to that market to make that old bat cease and desist. I will not stand idly by while Auntie Alice Pharrell Williamses you.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Yeah, it's a painful story.
Manny: I get it. Some things are better left unsaid.
Cameron: Her name was Tina Day. We were just friends, but I was so into asking her, I rented a white stallion and a suit of armor. I wanted it to be a whole "Knight and Day" theme. I was promposing before it was even a thing. I rode up her driveway, and I could see when she opened the door through the little slits in my helmet what her answer was gonna be. She wanted a traditional prom night with a guy she could lose her virginity to. I couldn't blame her. I wanted the same thing.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Gloria, we're above that. But not everyone would be. You should put that beauty in your garage.
Auntie Alice: I don't have one.
Phil: Oh, really? Just out of curiosity, do you not have a garage because you converted it into the guesthouse where your grandson's currently showering?
Auntie Alice: What's your game, mister?
Phil: I just find it interesting that you have a fully plumbed stand-alone dwelling on your property.
Auntie Alice: That's none of your business.
Phil: Even more peculiar, your grandson appears to live here, but judging by his T-shirt, he goes to Eden Mills High, an elite public school 12 miles outside of your district. Oh, maybe with the money you saved on private schools, you paid for the new two-sided brick fireplace I saw, which hasn't been legal since 1988.
Gloria: Go, Phil, go!
Phil: Pull the sauce, Big Al, or Monday morning, the city's here with a bulldozer, and your grandson goes to a school with a metal detector.
Auntie Alice: How do you know all this? What are you- Some kind of real-estate agent?
Gloria: No. He's a Realtor. There is a difference somehow!
Quote from Kids These Days
Jay: I hate losing to a team with a Viking mascot. Hey, you died out and became Swedes! Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!
Quote from The Bicycle Thief
Jay: [aside to camera] The key to being a good dad? Look, sometimes things work out just the way you want. Sometimes they don't. You got to hang in there. Because when all is said and done, 90% of being a dad is just showin' up.
Quote from Bringing Up Baby
Cameron: It's a French Canadian delicacy called poutine.
Jay: Mm. Well, it looks like vomit, so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.