Gloria: [aside to camera] I know that this is going to sound crazy, but I have always worried that when Dede died, she was going to come back and haunt me. Maybe it's because she whispered it to me at my wedding.

Phil: You know, I'm impressed you're still wearing that dress.
Cameron: Oh, well, I'm wearing two pair of Spanx and was on a diuretic for hours. As we say where I'm from, you don't teach your dog to play the banjo and then skip the talent show.

Claire: Seriously. What is this obsession with a sandwich?
Jay: I waited in line! I was thinking about it for months! You know who would get this? Dede. That woman appreciated a good sandwich. And she made the best ones. You know, when we were first married, in that little house in the valley. And we didn't have any money. She would go miles out of her way to get the bread with the crunchy crust from that French bakery. It was hard on the outside, soft and warm on the inside, and she'd say, "That's just like you, Jay." [chuckles] She was nice to me back then.
Claire: Yeah.
Jay: It's funny, I happened to drive past there a while ago. That bakery's not there anymore. And damn if I wasn't depressed for a week. You know, I didn't realize... [voice breaking] ...how much it meant to me till it was gone, you know?

Gloria: Look at that beautiful family moment.
Lily: Yeah, look right at it. [places Dede doll behind Gloria]
[aside to camera:]
Lily: I asked myself, "What would Nana want today?" She'd want me to mess with Gloria. Also, I ate Grandpa's sandwich.

Claire: Oh, God. Jerry forwarded me an e-mail from Mom's women's group. I-I-I can't even read it. You do it. I...
Phil: Oh, okay. Um..."Our sincere condolences on the loss of your loved one, Dede."
Claire: What happened to Mom?
Phil: Oh, let's see. "On the third night, Dede wandered away from the group and encountered a pack of starving timberwolves."
Mitchell: Oh my God.
Claire: Oh my God, Mom.
Phil: "As you know, Dede long believed she could comunicate with animals, so using a mix of howls and barks she convinced them to seek food elsewhere." Huh, guess that wasn't that. Let's see. "Later she ignored that thin ice sign and plunged..." Hang on, saved by one of the wolves. Uh... [MUMBLES] "She deeply offended a tribe of Inuits by interrupting a secret dagger..." "She was briefly swallowed by a whale..." Uh, here it is! "On the trip's final morning, Dede was found in her room. She had apparently passed peacefully in her sleep as a smile graced her face and her hands clutched ten pages of suggestions for the hotel staff."

Haley: You know, there's a deep psycho-spiritual connection between sex and death. Look at Freud. Thanatos, Eros... locked in an eternal struggle.
Alex: How do you know any of those words?
Haley: I don't know. Maybe I remembered something from school somehow. They say everything you've ever heard is locked in your brain somewhere. Another fun fact... your brain burns 20% of the calories you consume. [microwave beeps] My burrito!
Alex: Another one? Oh, my God. I think your brain is finally working because, for the first time ever, you're not starving yourself.
Haley: That is a credible hypothesis.

Gloria: [to the Dede doll] Okay, you want to talk? Let's talk. I know that you never liked me. And I was always nice. Okay, fine, one time, I did use your toothbrush on Stella. But mostly I admired you for raising such wonderful children and for helping make Jay the amazing man that I fell in love with. I guess I never thanked you for all of that. So, if you can hear me now, thank you. And can you please tell Rosa Garcia to stop haunting me, too? And Marta Blanco, Marisol Gutierrez, and Cecila Matos? Gracias.

Jay: Ah, you make plans, the universe steps in and says "nope."
Phil: Life is so unfair.
Jay: Damn right. I just waited in a line around the block for a hoagie everybody's talking about. Then my ex-wife drops dead, and I'm too sad to eat it. I'll give it another hour.

Gloria: I am so sorry, what happened to your grandmother. She was a wonderful woman.
Alex: Thank you, Gloria. Finally, someone with a normal reaction.
Luke: Didn't Nana try to strangle you three times?
Gloria: Yeah, but one of those times, I was able to see again my favorite abuela for one second. So I really should thank Dede. Anyways, any issues that your grandmother had with me, they're behind her. She's at peace. She's living in a better place.

Claire: I remember once Mom told me that I ate ice cream like a prostitute.