Phil: You know, I'm impressed you're still wearing that dress.
Cameron: Oh, well, I'm wearing two pair of Spanx and was on a diuretic for hours. As we say where I'm from, you don't teach your dog to play the banjo and then skip the talent show.

Claire: Oh, God. Jerry forwarded me an e-mail from Mom's women's group. I-I-I can't even read it. You do it. I...
Phil: Oh, okay. Um..."Our sincere condolences on the loss of your loved one, Dede."
Claire: What happened to Mom?
Phil: Oh, let's see. "On the third night, Dede wandered away from the group and encountered a pack of starving timberwolves."
Mitchell: Oh my God.
Claire: Oh my God, Mom.
Phil: "As you know, Dede long believed she could comunicate with animals, so using a mix of howls and barks she convinced them to seek food elsewhere." Huh, guess that wasn't that. Let's see. "Later she ignored that thin ice sign and plunged..." Hang on, saved by one of the wolves. Uh... [MUMBLES] "She deeply offended a tribe of Inuits by interrupting a secret dagger..." "She was briefly swallowed by a whale..." Uh, here it is! "On the trip's final morning, Dede was found in her room. She had apparently passed peacefully in her sleep as a smile graced her face and her hands clutched ten pages of suggestions for the hotel staff."

Gloria: Look at that beautiful family moment.
Lily: Yeah, look right at it. [places Dede doll behind Gloria]
[aside to camera:]
Lily: I asked myself, "What would Nana want today?" She'd want me to mess with Gloria. Also, I ate Grandpa's sandwich.