Gloria: May I finish my story? So, I start following Sandra Bullock...
Jay: Not Sandra Bullock.
Gloria: Around the grocery store. She goes first to the frozen section, then she goes to the detergent aisle. I'm thinking to myself this whole time, "I am gonna go and introduce myself, but it has to be at the right time." So I keep following her. Eventually, she leaves the store. She goes outside, which was actually really hot to be January, because, remember, last year...
Jay: We know the month, we know the weather, we know it's not Sandra Bullock.

Gloria: You know what, Jay, this is not about who tells the best story. This is about you jumping in that night like you just wanted me to stop talking because I was embarrassing you or something. You made me feel stupid. You think it's nothing, but you hurt my feelings.
Jay: Gloria, that's the last thing I meant to happen.
Gloria: You're just saying that. You don't really understand.
Jay: No, I'm sorry. Hell, I'm the last guy who wants to make somebody feel like they sound stupid. Did I ever tell you about the little boy from my neighborhood who stuttered? He was real self-conscious about it. What kid wouldn't be? At school, when the teacher would ask him a question, he tried so hard to get the words out, but it just wouldn't come. Rest of the kids stared at him, which only made the stuttering worse. They'd whisper behind his back and laugh. Finally, got to the point when the teacher called on him to answer a question, even if he knew the answer, he'd just say, "I don't know." Then the teacher would shake his head and say, "Next time, study harder, Jay."
Gloria: You were that little kid? So sad. That must have been very hard for you.
Jay: It was.

Cameron: Hey, I just caught a glimpse of our pilot, and he looks exactly like Sully. I-I think it is Sully.
Mitchell: I think that's a woman.
Cameron: No, it's a-
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: Oh, I know what you're doing. You're testing the limits of my feminism. [chuckles] I will have you know that I am perfectly fine putting my life in the hands of a female pilot.
Male voice: [over P.A.] Hi, folks. This is your captain.
Cameron: Oh, thank God.

Flight attendant: Okay, Mr. Pritchett, there is a connecting flight through Dallas that leaves in five minutes. You can catch it if you hurry.
Mitchell: I don't want to go to Dallas. We're going to Turks and Caicos.
Flight attendant: Dallas is just where you make your connection.
Mitchell: I'm sorry, I'm having a really hard time processing information right now.
Cameron: [whispering] We took sleeping pills.

Cameron: Wait, no, my bag. My bag's gone.
Mitchell: Okay, okay.
Cameron: It has my passport in it. Wait, that guy, he has my bag. Excuse me, sir. Nice try stealing my bag. I see you've already painted it.
Mitchell: Cam, it- It's back on your shoulder!
Cameron: [to the guy] Oh, my God. You are good.

Cameron: Hey, I have a question for you. When you're outside the workplace, do you wear hats? Or does that just kind of make you feel like you're always in the office?

Mitchell: Oh, you know what, I think I am going to get these.
Cameron: No, Mitchell, we can't... Oh, look, little girls' hats. Ooh. We should get one for Linda.
Mitchell: Who?
Cameron: Um, our daughter?
Mitchell: No, it's Lily.
Cameron: Oh, I love that name.

Cameron: Mitchell, why do you have 32 written on your arm?
Mitchell: I have no idea. Maybe it's some sort of code, or maybe it's my age. Do I look 32 to you? Tell me the truth. No, you know what don't.

Mitchell: No, no, no. Cam, don't. Don't you dare. Don't. Don't you dare.
Cameron: No, I... they just look so soft and inviting. I- I don't think I can go on. Tell Linda I love her.
Mitchell: No, you're gonna tell Linda yourself, okay? I cannot go to Dallas without you. The portions there are so big.

Mitchell: Mitch and Cam. Hi! Hi! Hi, we're Mitch and Cam!
Cameron: I'm Mitch, he's Cam.
Gate attendant: Mr. Tucker, Mr. Pritchett, you made it just in time.
Mitchell: Okay. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Lucy, her name is Lucy.
Cameron: We're coming home, Lucy!