Claire: Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all for everything you've done for me. Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all day in your little Claire-mobile.
Cameron: It's the least we could do.
Mitchell: Yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Literally.
Mitchell: We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career than we did for Claire's.

Claire: And, Manny and Gloria, thank you for making all those phone calls. And, dad for all your support.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire.
Jay: I don't think I even voted.

Claire: And my husband who drove around I don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: One.

Claire: [answering phone] Hello? This is she. Thanks so much for calling. Bye-bye. [hangs up] I have some bad news.
Phil: Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman? [all cheer]
Claire: No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing. I really lost. I lost.
Gloria: Ay, no.
Jay: I'm so sorry.
Phil: But you know what? We are still just so proud of you.
[Phil removes "Congratulations" from the sign above their heads, revealing "Condolences Claire"]

Haley: Mom? You okay?
Claire: Yes. Fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win, and- And I'm so embarrassed. I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me, and they believed in me, and I let 'em down. [Haley hugs Claire and starts to sob] Oh, honey. Oh, sweetheart. Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. Really, I am. Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better.
Haley: No, I got four rejection letters I never told you guys about.
Claire: What?
Haley: I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin-
Claire: Oh, no.
Haley: And Northwestern.
Claire: Well, we were overshooting on that one. What about, uh-
Haley: It came today. My last chance. I'm too scared to open it.
Claire: Whatever it says in there, your father and I are crazy proud of you. Okay?
Haley: I did start trying this year.
Claire: I know you did. You did. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Haley: Neither do you.
Claire: It's a little bit different.
Haley: No, it's exactly the same. Except you tried really hard the whole time, not just at the end.
Claire: You're right. It is the same.

Haley: "Dear Miss Dunphy, We regret to inform you"...
Phil: Oh, honey.
Haley: "While we cannot offer you admission at this time, you are a promising candidate, and therefore we would like to place you on our wait list!" Oh, my god, I got wait-listed!
Claire: We will take it!
Phil: Yeah!

Phil: Our daughter might be going to college!

Claire: Phil, look. A stop sign.
Phil: It's addressed to you.
Claire: "Dear Claire, I won. You lost. Here's your stupid stop sign. Next time you think about bothering me, please take its advice. Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey."
Phil: Honey, you did it!
Claire: I did it. I made our neighborhood a little bit safer. I may have even saved life. [shouting at passing vehicle] You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read? We need speed bumps.
Phil: No, no. No! Honey!