Malcolm Quote #316
Quote from Malcolm in Hal Coaches
Malcolm: Oh, this game is asinine!
Stevie: I thought... you liked it.
Malcolm: No, it's this idiotic programming! My family has turned out horrible! My mom finished law school and became a Supreme Court Justice, Reese is the King of China and my dad is a millionaire from his chain of auto-body shops.
Stevie: Why is Malcolm... sneaking Scotch... from the toilet tank?
Malcolm: He won't stop drinking. That's his second bottle since breakfast. I am so done with this game. No, I'm moving them all to Arkansas to become chicken farmers. That ought to level out the playing field.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Hal Coaches’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Stevie: You were supposed... to meet me... at the library.
Malcolm: Oh, yeah, sorry. You know, I actually found something decent on Ed's computer.
Stevie: The Virts?
Malcolm: Yeah, you create a virtual family, put them in different situations and the computer plays out their lives. I'm putting the characters in right now.
Stevie: Is that... your mom?
Malcolm: Not yet. [turns aggressiveness level to 10] Reese. [turns intelligence down to 0]
Stevie: Make sure... you capture... the blackness... of his soul.
Malcolm: Aggressiveness, ten. Hygiene, zero. OK, now me. Appearance... nine. No, ten. A ten for intelligence. And social skills, ten.
Stevie: Too bad... it doesn't go... higher.
Malcolm: I have social skills, jackass! OK, it's dinner time. Where's Malcolm?
Stevie: Looking at himself... in the mirror.
Quote from Piama
Francis: Look, I'm going to ask you one last time, for the sake of our marriage, what did you do?
Piama: [whispers] Took her parakeet.
Francis: What?
Piama: I took her parakeet!
Francis: You stole the woman's pet? The woman's pet?!
Piama: You protect the people you love. I figured you would do the same for me.
Francis: But I would tell you. And if I was gonna grab someone's parakeet and hold it hostage... Well, jee, I wouldn't do that. How long were you going to keep it for, anyway?
Piama: 'Til she behaved. And if she didn't, I guess I'd have killed it.
Francis: See?! That's where it gets alarming again. But putting aside the horrible nature of the act itself, what's upsetting is, you made this unilateral decision-
Piama: I said I was sorry! How many times do you want me to say it?
Francis: You didn't say you were sorry.
Quote from Lois
Lois: [o.s.] I can't believe you, Dewey! How could you do this?
Reese: When is she going to stop? I'm starving. Go get us some food.
Malcolm: I'm not going out there.
[in the kitchen, Lois and Hal are sitting at the table reading magazines with Dewey nowhere in sight:]
Lois: Sorry doesn't cut it, young man.
Hal: This was a good idea. I just wish you had told me earlier. I was hiding outside for 45 minutes before I came in.
Lois: I saw you.