Hal Quote #924

Quote from Hal in Traffic Ticket

Craig: You guys are not going to believe what I have. I have a surveillance arrangement with the manager of the mini-mart across the street. We exchange tapes in order to better understand the security needs of our customers.
Hal: "Short skirt, windy day"?
Craig: That's code. Anyhoo, one of their cameras caught Lois from a different angle right before she got her ticket. See? Lois was right all along! This completely exonerates her. Isn't this great? [Hal takes the tape out and stomps on it] What are you doing?
Hal: You will never, ever tell her of this.
Craig: But...
Hal: Ah! Ever.
Dewey: Got it? [Craig nods]

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 ‘Traffic Ticket’ Quotes

Quote from Francis

Malcolm: [on the phone] Hey, Francis. You know Mom's traffic ticket? Well, I have a videotape, and it shows that Mom really was at fault, and...
Francis: She was wrong?
Malcolm: Yeah, and now I'm trying to figure...
Francis: What are you talking to me for? You have incontrovertible proof that Mom was wrong. Shove it in her face.
Malcolm: Francis, I don't think that's a good idea.
Francis: Are you kidding? It's brilliant. From now on, whenever she gets all high-and-mighty with us, we can just throw this back at her.
Malcolm: Francis, I can't. If I show Mom this tape, she'll go crazy and then she'll kill the messenger, which is me. You're asking me to commit suicide.
Francis: And think of the look on her face!

Quote from Reese

Reese: Just remember, Mom, in a world of lies, truth is your only weapon. [off everyone's looks] What? It's not?

 Hal Quotes

Quote from Blackout

Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.

Quote from Malcolm Babysits

Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.