Hal Quote #635
Quote from Hal in Malcolm's Car
Lois: Hal, this isn't working for me.
Hal: Well, that's because you don't scrunch and spritz like I told you to.
Lois: No, this. Look. Craig is flaking out on me. I'm pulling double shifts for him and every time I come home, it's full of people. I never have any time alone. There is hair everywhere. And I do not like the way you are standing lately.
Hal: Lois, these women are walking out of here with a glow. It's wonderful.
Lois: Well, can't you at least some of the money you're making to hire a cleaning lady?
Hal: I'm not accepting money for this!
Lois: What?!
Hal: I am transforming these women, Lois. I won't soil that with money. And it's not just the hair. They confide in me. They need someone to listen to their problems. You wouldn't believe what some of these women are going through. Nancy, she's getting audited. Margie's husband has a gambling problem. And Paula in there, she is having an affair.
Lois: What?!
Hal: Yes, for the last five months. It's some guy she's pretending to take golf lessons with.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm's Car’ Quotes
Quote from Craig
Craig: Oh, Lois, thank God. Fred asked me to scrub out the Dumpsters tonight, but Paula wants to work on her short iron, so I had to schedule an emergency lesson with the golf pro. The guy charges, like, 90 bucks an hour. It's really eating away at my savings, but I guess I have no one to blame but myself, and, oh, my God, you know about the affair. Damn it! Damn it! You do know, right?
Lois: Yes, I know.
Craig: Damn it!
Lois: Craig, how could you lie to me after all I've done for you? I let you sleep on our floor when you though your cat's ghost was trying to kill you. I settled that feud between you and the Girl Scout troop.
Craig: They started it.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Do you believe this?
Hal: What happened?
Lois: I was half way through my haircut when Troy casually mentioned that his price had gone up from $21 to $28. And he thought I would just sit there and take it. Well, I showed him, Hal. I got up and I walked right out of there. This is extortion, pure and simple.
Quote from Reese
Reese: You are going to be so proud of me.
Malcolm: Why?
Reese: I spent the last five nights in a chat room reeling in this creep named Heinrich. I got his address and showed up at his house with a printed transcript of our conversations. He calls me "Sugarbuns" 15 times on nine separate occasions.
Malcolm: Reese.
Reese: So the guy starts crying, "What about my wife? What about my kids? I'll do anything." Entrapment. It's not just for police anymore.
Malcolm: Why do I care about this?
Reese: The guy works at the racetrack. He's going to make bets for us on the horses we pick. Well, the horses you pick. This is tomorrow's racing form. You'll pick the winners and I'll place the bets, we split the winnings 50-50, like brothers.
Malcolm: That's kind of nice.
Reese: Yeah. I got to keep this guy on his toes. Time to leave a suspicious message on his answering machine.
Malcolm: [to camera] Wow, blackmailing a pervert to facilitate underage gambling. How could this not work out?