Dewey: This is dumb. I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm just going to go out and see if it's me he wants.
Malcolm: What are you, nuts?
Dewey: I'm not going to live like this. I've been beaten before. I'm just going to get it over with and live the rest of my life.
[Malcolm and Reese go to the window:]
Malcolm: God, he's walking right up to him. Randy's hitting him.
Reese: He's hitting him. It's not us. [Dewey groans]
Malcolm: You know, for a little kid, he can really take a punch.
Reese: I can't believe I've been going so easy on him.

Malcolm: Dewey, are you okay?
Dewey: Boy, that was a beating. I mean, no offense to you guys, but "wow."
Reese: Why did he beat you up? Did he say?
Dewey: Actually, he said it wasn't me.
Malcolm: Then why'd he beat you up?!
Dewey: He said it was just a warm-up. Then he said to send out my brother.
Reese: Which brother, me or Malcolm?
Dewey: He just said "brother." Boy, what a weight off. It's just so great to have this over with. I'm finally free. And I'm getting some major tooth fairy money.

Lois: [o.s.] Is everything okay out there, honey?
Hal: Fine, no problem. Francis just wanted to make sure that we weren't wearing the same outfit tonight.

Reese: This should have been the greatest day of our lives. Dad and Francis rode motorcycles through the living room, and where were we? Hiding under our beds.

Francis: Oh, man, what a day. What a ride. That was fantastic!
Hal: Yeah. Just wait. Tomorrow we go around the lake to this funky old hot springs you are gonna love. This is the same route I used to take every month with my buddy, Roy, until he got dragged a quarter mile by that school bus.

Hal: Listen, I have got something really special for you. You know, it's kind of a father-son thing to honor the occasion. It was a little expensive, but I am going to sit with my 21-year-old son and share a 21-year-old bottle of Scotch. [chuckles] The guy at Liquor Clown said this was the best.
Francis: Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sober now. I don't drink anymore.
Hal: What?
Francis: I'm sober now. I went to AA.
Hal: What?! When did this happen?
Francis: Last year. It just became a problem, and I kind of bottomed out, so I decided to get some help, and, I've been sober for six months now.
Hal: And you didn't tell me about this?
Francis: Well, I'm telling you now.
Hal: What good is it to tell me now? I'm your father. You could have come to me about this. Instead you go to a bunch of strangers with drinking problems?
Francis: Well, I'm sorry... I guess.
Hal: Which one of the 12 steps is the one where you act like your father doesn't exist?
Francis: Dad, what's the big deal? It was my problem. I went, and I did what I needed to do to get help.
Hal: I'm supposed to help you. I deserved to know. And meanwhile, I plan this whole trip, and now I find out you're sober, and I'm standing here with a bottle of booze like some kind of jackass. [throws bottle on the fire] You know, it's just a little tough... Wow. It's just little tough to find out. Do you have any other surprises for me? Do I have any grandchildren I never met? Do you have a boyfriend?!
Francis: Dad, come on. This is a nice trip. I want to just enjoy this.
Hal: I'm going to bed.
Francis: I liked the thing you said about picking battles.
Hal: I got it off a billboard.

Reese: Look at him, sleeping peacefully while I'm sitting here going through hell. It's not fair. God, when did this room get so small? I hate this.
Malcolm: Reese, come on, go to sleep.
Reese: I can't. I just keep thinking about the beating. How long it'll hurt, how bad it'll be, when it's gonna happen. What if it's on the Fourth of July? That'll ruin it. I was gonna have pie.
Malcolm: Dude, you have to calm down. We can wait it out. We can beat this.
Reese: I can't take this anymore. I'm going out there. It's probably me he wants, anyway.
Malcolm: Reese, that's stupid. There is no logic in that.
Reese: Yes, there is. He is just getting madder and madder. And the longer he has to wait, the worse the beating is going to be.
Malcolm: Reese, think about it. Dewey got beat up even though Randy wasn't after him. If you go out there now, he'll beat you up even if you're not the one he wants, just to send a message to me.
Reese: I don't care anymore.
Malcolm: But if you just wait, I'll figure out a way to get out of this.
Reese: I am not gonna wait while you keep trying to come up with some plan that you'll never come up with. I have to live in the real world.
[Reese puts a frying pan down his pants]

Francis: Come on, Dad. We should be making the most of this. You sulked all the way here, you sulked all the way through the cold plunge, you even sulked when they beat us with juniper branches. Stop being such a baby.
Hal: I'm sorry I had such high expectations for this trip. For all the trouble I went to, I thought maybe I could maybe be an important part of your life.
Francis: This has been a nice trip, Dad. This is exactly how I was hoping it would be.
Hal: It just gets to me, Francis. I mean, how did we get to this point where you're doing all this stuff without me? I mean, you're-you're traveling everywhere, you're getting married, you're doing all these things without even telling me. And now I find out you even went to AA without telling me?
Francis: I can't help it, Dad. I'm a grown-up now. It happens.
Hal: And I missed it. I mean, here you've grown into this nice, responsible, decent man, and I didn't get to be there for it.
Francis: I missed you being there, too, Dad. It kind of makes me happy you feel sad about it.
Hal: Well, that's something anyway.
Francis: Yeah. [they go to hug and think better of it]

Attendant: Five minutes.
Hal: [gasps] Holy crap, we've got to get back home! Do you realize how much trouble we're in?
Francis: Oh, God, you're right. We're dead. We can't go back.
Hal: No, no, no, no, wait. I'll think of something. I've been married for 20 years, and I've gotten out of a lot of trouble.
Francis: Wait, how is it 20 years if I'm 21?
Hal: Just shut up and let me think. Okay. I have something.
Francis: What? [Hal punches Francis] Ow! God. What the hell was that for?
Hal: You were in a terrible motorcycle accident that taught you a lesson. Now it's not gonna solve everything, but it's gonna make your apology go down a lot easier because it makes them right, which is what they really want.
Francis: Dad, you're brilliant.
Hal: There's no time for that. Just do me now. You're gonna want to grab between the second and third knuckle, and go up and back in one smooth motion. But just these two so I can still work the throttle.
Francis: I love you, Dad.
Hal: I love you, too, son.

Reese: Malcolm, you got to go out there. It's time. He wants you.
Malcolm: No. By October, I'll be strong enough to beat him.
Dewey: Come on, Malcolm. You have school tomorrow. You can pretend to be sick for a few days, but sooner or later, Mom gets involved. Then what?
Malcolm: I'll think of something.
Reese: Thinking won't do it, Malcolm. This is not a smart thing. It's a life thing. Randy is like an earthquake. It's just something that's gonna happen.
Dewey: Seriously, Malcolm, the longer you try to put this off, the worse it's gonna to be.
Reese: I could tell he was holding back. He's got a lot farther he could go. [holds bent frying pan] This is nothing.