Lois: [v.o.] October 12. At lunch, J.J. was telling my fortune.
[flashback:]
J.J.: Wow, "girl" again.
Young Lois: I keep telling you, I'm only going to have girls. That's if I have kids at all. I mean, the whole suburban mom thing seems like such a nightmare.
J.J.: Who is that?
Young Lois: I don't know. But he's getting to second base, if I have anything to say about it.
[present:]
Reese: Whoa.

[flashback:]
Young Lois: I just have to figure out a way to get him to notice me.
J.J.: I don't think you have to worry about that.
Young Lois: What do you mean?
J.J.: Well, you know, he'll probably do something you don't like, and you'll unload on him.
Young Lois: What?! I don't unload on people.
J.J.: Honey, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the truth is, everyone calls you "The Mouth."
Young Lois: The Mouth?
J.J.: Yeah, but they're just a bunch of immature jerks. And the principal, he's just trying to fit in.
[present: a tear falls down Reese's face as he reads the diary]

Hal: [on the phone] Abe, you're not getting the flu. It's just your allergies. Did you take your spray? Look in your vest pocket. Uh-huh. What am I going to do with you?
Dewey: Can you pat my back? [burps] Thanks.

Lois: I'll catch...
Dewey: I didn't mean to!
Lois: You better...
Dewey: It was a joke! You're making it worse! I'm a big boy!

Lois: [v.o.] October 17. I kept my mouth shut around Jason for a whole week, and he asked me out. I will never go back to the old me.
Reese: No!
Hal: Something wrong?
Reese: Do you think it's right to totally change who you are and turn your back on everything you believe in just to impress a hot guy?
Hal: Burt Reynolds hot or Sting hot?
Reese: Forget it.

[flashback:]
Jason: So then we put in dual exhaust, and now the thing just flies. I got it up to 130 miles an hour last night.
Young Lois: Mm-hmm.
Jason: I like talking to you. You're a good listener. So we're all going to ditch class on Friday. Dave's dad is out of town. We're going to borrow his speedboat. [sticks chewing gum on locker] So do you want to?
Young Lois: Okay, that's got to stop.
Jason: Huh?
Young Lois: I'm trying to be nice and not criticize, but I just have to say that that is the most filthy, disgusting habit I've ever seen.
[present:]
Reese: Yes! That's my girl.

[flashback:]
Young Lois: Someone's gonna lean against that and get it stuck to their clothes, but do you care? No, because you're nothing but a self-absorbed, inconsiderate slob. I'm sorry.
Jason: Wow. I love how you're so passionate about ecology and stuff.
Young Lois: Really?
Jason: Yeah. It's cool.
Lois: [v.o.] I could hardly breathe. I knew he was going to kiss me.
[fantasy:]
Reese: You are so hot.
Young Lois: So are you.
[present:]
Lois: Reese! I thought I told you to take out the... What are you doing with my old diary?
[fantasy: Reese leans into kiss his mother]
Reese: [screams]